Down
by HappyMess
Summary: Bella Swan floats through life, unfeeling. Edward Cullen doesn't want to feel at all. When their paths cross and their lives begin to intertwine, how will it alter their journey? Short chapters.
1. Chapter 1

"Bella, how do you feel about leaving today?"

I don't answer, instead looking out the window, past the gates to the street outside. It seems different. Like I haven't been able to breathe for the last month and as soon as I step out of the gates, I'll be able too.

Subconsciously, I pull my sleeves down until they're covering my hands.

Dr. Black doesn't miss anything though.

"I wish you would consider staying for the full program. I'm not sure you're ready to go back."

I sigh and turn back to him. "I can't afford the full program. I'm lucky that I was able to stay for thirty days."

Lucky. I don't think I'd call myself lucky.

"Well, that's all the time we have left for today, Bella. Remember, we'll start our biweekly therapy next week."

I nod. "Right. Mondays and Thursdays at eleven thirty. I won't forget."

Dr. Black flips through his portfolio and pulls out two small slips of paper. "Please, don't forget to get these prescriptions filled and do take them. I can't help you if you aren't willing to help yourself as well."

I lean forward and take them from him, shoving them in my pocket.

"Do you have someone to come pick you up later today?" He asks, smiling at me.

"No."

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><p>Something new I'm trying. Short chapters, no set length, although some may be long. We'll see. Updates will come fairly quickly. Maybe sometimes a couplefew times a day. This story has been gnawing at me for a few months now and now that WCN is winding down, I thought I'd start with it.

Leave a review and let me know what you think! I'm a little nervous about posting this, so let me know if you think it's worth continuing!


	2. Chapter 2

Two hours and three buses later, I'm standing outside of my apartment building. I left the Center quietly. My roommate was at her one on one, so I didn't get to say goodbye to her. Not that I care. Not really.

I stop by my landladies apartment first to pick up my cat, Snickers.

The landlady, Ms. Cope is really nice. Old and widowed, she's been like a grandmother to me. She told me that while I was gone I didn't have to worry about that months rent. I insisted though, paying her as much of it as I could. I promised myself that as soon as I was working again, I would give her the rest.

Once I retrieve Snickers, I walk up the two flights of stairs to my apartment.

It's small. A studio. There isn't much room for anything but a full size bed, a bookshelf and my desk.

Snickers wriggles out of my arms and runs over to her bed. I drop my duffel bag of belongings on mine.

I'm anxious and fidgety. I need to do something. I remember the two prescriptions that need to be filled. The papers still crumpled in my pocket.

I put out a can of food and a bowl of water for Snickers and I'm on my way out the door.

I could ride my bike to the pharmacy, but I don't. It would be faster, and once I get back home again, I wouldn't know how to pass the time.

The prescription gets filled and processed quickly and within twenty minutes, I'm back out on the street, shoving my hands in my pockets with the bag looped around my wrist, protecting me against the cold winter air.

I'm still not ready to go back home yet, so I take a longer route, through the park. My phone vibrating my pocket startles me. I'm not used to having it on me anymore.

"H-hello?" I greet. I'm not sure why my voice comes out so unsure.

"Hey, Bella," the voice that greets me in return in rough, masculine.

"Paul. Hi," I say again, this time finding my voice.

"I guess you're back then?"

"Yeah," I tell him, "earlier today."

"Well, are you gonna come by?" I don't know why he asks. He knows the answer.

"Sure, I'll be there in a little while."

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><p>Thanks for all the reviews, favorites and alerts this story got for it's first chapter! I also forgot to thank Tropical Sorbet for her help with the summary and title.<p>

See you next update!


	3. Chapter 3

There's no warm greeting with Paul.

He simply opens the door and moves aside, letting me pass him.

I take off my scarf, coat and gloves, tossing them on the couch.

I can feel his gaze on me the whole time.

Paul doesn't wait even long enough for me to take my shoes off. He storms up to me, his mouth presses harshly against mine as he pushes me backwards to his bedroom.

I first met Paul a year ago. He worked at a bar across the street from my work. We didn't really start out as friends.

He came into the bakery where I work one afternoon to pick up a cake for his nieces birthday. He slipped me his number and for some reason. He was tall with tan skin, black hair and eyes so dark they were almost black. I had no idea why he would be interested in me. I was shy, pale with brown hair and eyes. Where he managed to look rugged and exotic, I looked plain.

I texted him later that night and we met up at his work.

We never really ended up talking or dating, even. But two months after we first met, we had sex.

I can't call him my friend with benefits or even a fuck buddy. We don't talk. He knows where I have been the past month, but that's the extent of it.

I don't think he cares.

While I undress, he does too. By the time I'm down to just my underwear, he's already naked and impatient.

I'm on my back, but he's quick to motion for me to turn around on my hands and knees, facing the bed frame.

He barely checks to see if I'm wet when pushes into me with a groan.

It feels like forever since I've had sex. I bite my lip and drop down onto my elbows, burying my face into the pillow.

His pace is hard and rough. After a couple of thrusts, one of his hands move from my hips to gather my hair into his hand. Then he pulls on it, hard. I arch my back and let out a moan.

It's so good.

Eventually, he changes positions so his chest is flush with my back.

I feel his hot breath on the nap of my neck and I know he's close.

As good as it feels, I'm not going to come like this. But I'm so, so close.

I reach down my body to rub my clit,

I'm done for.

I come hard, for the first time in a month.

Paul lasts a few more thrusts and he comes too.

Afterward, he just rests against me; a dead weight on my back.

I feel his lips barely graze my shoulder blade before he brings himself back up.

He pulls out carefully and slaps me on the ass, then takes off the condom and tosses it in the trash.


	4. Chapter 4

I roll over onto my back, still panting. My arms are splayed out to the sides.

Paul doesn't look at me when he starts to speak. "This isn't going to happen again. I've met someone and...and I want to make it work."  
>When I don't respond, he starts to pick up our clothes, tossing me mine. "I don't want to hurt her. She's a good girl."<p>

_Unlike me._

"You just fucked me," I say, watching him get dressed. "I don't think she'd appreciate that."

He shrugs. "That was the last time. It won't happen again."

"What's her name?" I ask. I don't care what her name is. I can already picture in my head what she looks like. Tall, beautiful. Someone he takes home to meet his parents.

Someone opposite of me.

"Emily," he says, turning around to look at me. His eyes zero in on my arms. "Shit. You really are a crazy bitch, aren't you?"

When I don't respond to him, he shakes his head. The look on his face is akin to disgust.

"Why don't you just get ready? I have to be at work in forty minutes."

He leaves the room and I finally move to get dressed.

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><p>Thanks for all the positive response so far. See you tomorrow!<p> 


	5. Chapter 5

I refuse his offer to a ride home.

The temperature had dropped even more outside and it was almost completely dark.

I don't feel anything.

Just numb.

It's not that I was actually in love with Paul or anything. I didn't have any Misconceived notions that we would end up together.

I don't think it would even be the actual sex that I missed.

Just having someone close.

Just the feeling of being needed.

Regardless of how fleeting and artificial it may have been.

I'm so lost in my thoughts that it takes a few seconds to recognize that I walked into something.

I look up.

Not something...someone.

And I didn't just walk into him, I managed to spill his cup of coffee all over him, and me.

"Fuck," he groans, looking down at the large stain on his grey coat. "Could you watch where you're going?"

I'm mortified. I can't even offer to have his coat dry cleaned.

"Don't you speak?"

I keep opening and closing my mouth, trying to find my voice.

"I'm sorry," I finally manage. "I didn't mean to."

"Right. Well, it's fine. What's done is done," he sighs, pulling at his coat.

"I can pay for dry cleaning. I'm so, so sorry," I know that's a lie. I can't really afford the dry cleaning, but I can't stop babbling.

He shakes his head. "It's fine. I'm more upset that my coffee's gone."

I feel like such a fuck up. Like I can't do anything right. Tears prick at my eyes.

"Hey, you really don't have to cry, you know. It's not a big deal."

I wipe quickly at my eyes when he turns to look at a taxi that pulled up alongside of us.

"Which way are you headed?" He asks, running a hand through his hair.

I nodded my head in the direction. "That way."

"Well, I'm going that way too. Why don't we share my cab?"

I'm quiet a little too long. He probably can tell I want to say no.

"There's no sense in wasting a good cab," he tells me, smiling.

My resolves weakening. "Okay. My names Bella."

"Edward. Come on, the meters running."


	6. Chapter 6

The ride starts out awkward. The smell of coffee saturates the car.

But I'm finally able to get a better look at Edward.

He's handsome.

He has a couple days of scruff on his face and he looks older than me.

His hair is unruly and brown...but with blonde mixed in. Or is it red?

It's hard to get a good look at him since I'm trying to keep my head straight and can only look at him through the corner of my eyes.

Every so often he pulls at his jacket and his shirt.

Every time he does that I feel another pang of guilt.

After a few more minutes of awkward silence, the cabbie pulls up to the address that Edward gave him.

"So, thanks for sharing the cab with me," Edward says, turning to me.

"No, thank you. Again, I'm so, so sorry. Seriously, I'll play for dry cleaning for you. Just let me-"

Edward holds up his hand, shushing me. "I said it was fine." His words came out harshly.

"Okay," I say quietly, looking back down.

He rifles through his wallet, pulling out cash and handing it to the driver. "That should be enough for the both of us."

Again, I want to protest, but the look he gives me makes me stop.

"It was nice meeting you, Bella. Have a nice night," he tells me. And just like that, he's out of the car and up the stairs into his house.

A week later, I'm still thinking about him.

* * *

><p>See you tomorrow!<p> 


	7. Chapter 7

I adjust back to life pretty quickly.

Everything is routine. I wake up, feed Snickers, go to work, come home.

I take my Lexapro when I remember and my Xanax probably too much.

I sleep through my first therapy appointment and then ignore Dr. Blacks calls.

At this point I haven't heard from Paul at all.

I know that he goes across the street from my work almost every day for a beer.

I rarely think about him.

I do think about Edward.

That's when I decide to bake him a pie.

The bakery owner, Mrs. Newton is nice. She doesn't comment when I'm late to work and let's me use the kitchen for my own baking.

I used to bake a lot.

I haven't baked in it since my mom died.

Mrs. Newton is shocked at first when I ask her if I can use it, but then smiles.

He'll like cherry pie, right?

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><p>3 today.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Ten minutes into the bus ride, I'm starting to regret my decision.

I want to get off the bus at each stop, but the pie on my lap and the packed bus keep me from doing so.

A stop too early, I get off the bus, clutching the pie to me like a life preserver.

I'm pretty sure Edward doesn't remember me. Or if he does, I'm pretty sure he'll think I'm a stalker for going back to his house and bringing him a thank you pie.

While my mind is screaming at me to wait for the next bus so I can go home, my feet are propelling me forward.

I'm hoping that once I see the house I'll recognize it because I'm not sure of the address.

When I'm in front of what I think is his house, I take a deep, steadying breath.

I can do this.

I walk up the steps and the ring the doorbell.

No one answers.

I'm about to just say 'fuck it' when I hear yelling on the other side of the door.

A woman answers the door. I briefly wonder if I have the wrong address.

"Hi," she says, brushing her hair out of her face. "Sorry, I was all the way upstairs."

"Oh. That's fine," I tell her, clutching more tightly at the pie.

"Can I help you?"

"Does Edward live here? Edward, uhh..." I trail off. He never told me his last name.

"He's at work."

Right. It's a Wednesday afternoon. Most people are at work.

"I'm sorry for disturbing you, I'll just be on my way then." I turn on my heel and start back down the stairs.

"Wait," she calls out. "I'm actually headed over to Edwards work now. I just need to get some papers to take with me. Do you want to come with me?"

I want to say no and take my pie and myself back to the bus stop, but instead I just say, "yes."

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><p>I know I said I would do 3 chapters today...but that obviously didn't happen. But this one is almost double the length, I think.<p>

See you tomorrow morning!


	9. Chapter 9

"I'm Rosalie, by the way. Rosalie Cullen."

Rosalie steps aside and ushers me into the house.

There's a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Edwards married.

I shouldn't care. I don't know why I care, but I do.

They're two beautiful people.

Rosalie has long, blonde hair and warm, blue eyes.

She's older and more sophisticated than me.

"Bella," I tell her.

"Okay, well, Bella. Why don't you just go sit down in the living room? I just need to run back upstairs for a moment." Rosalie points to the couch.

I nod dumbly and go sit down.

The house is nice, masculine. There's nothing that indicates a feminine touch or that a couple lives here.

No family photographs anywhere.

A few minutes later, she returns with a portfolio.

"Thank god I found what I needed. I swear, Edwards office is such a pig sty."

I smile awkwardly, not knowing what to say and follow her outside to a fancy looking Lexus SUV.

"So, how do you know Edward?" Rosalie asks once we start driving.

"I don't really know him," I tell her before realizing how wrong that sounds. "I walked into him in front of the house a couple weeks ago...I spilled his coffee all over him."

"Really?" Rosalie barked out a laugh. "And you're still alive to tell the tale?"

I shrugged. "He wasn't too mad, I think. He didn't want me to pay for his dry cleaning."

"Hmm, that's interesting. Definitely doesn't sound like the Edward I know. Most of the time he's just an asshole."

"Well, maybe he just has a lot of off days?" I feel the need to defend him. This is his wife and she's saying he's an asshole most of the time?

Rosalie shakes her head. "Anyways, what's with the pie?"

"Oh. This is for Edward. A thank-you-for-paying-the-cab-fare slash I'm-sorry-for-spilling-coffee-on-you pie"

"That's cute. Edward has a huge sweet tooth though, so I'm sure he'll like it."

I don't reply and silence fills the car for the rest of the ride.

It isn't until a little while later that we pull alongside the front of a house turned business.

"We're here."


	10. Chapter 10

When we get inside the office, Edwards assistant tells us he's taking a phone call in his office.

Rosalie smiles and takes me to the kitchen area where she pours us both a cup of coffee.

"So, you look a little young. How old are you?" Rosalie asks.

"I'm nineteen. Nineteen a couple months ago."

"Hmm, Edward is thirty. You're a little young for him, if you're trying to get in his pants," Rose remarks casually.

"What?" I cough out, choking on the sip of coffee I had taken. "No, it's not like that. Not at all."

"Okay," Rosalie says, holding up her hand in surrender. "Just wondering."

"I mean, you're okay with that? You're okay with him dating other women?" I wonder if they have an open marriage.

"Sure, I mean, it's not any of my business. Just as long as it's not Kate again."

"Kate?"

"Yeah," Rosalie sighs. "First class bitch. Edward has been so hung up on her but I don't think he's seen her in almost a year now."

"Wow. I mean, I don't know how I would feel about having my husband seeing other women?"

"What?" Rosalie yells, then starts laughing hysterically. I stare at her as she continues to laugh.

Is it one of those hysterical laughs where you're about to break down in tears?

"Rosalie?" I reach out and touch her shoulder, "are you okay?"

"I'm sorry. It's just...you think Edward and I are married?"

"Well...yeah. I mean, it makes sense."

"God, no. I was married to his brother for six years. We've been divorced almost one."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I offer.

"Believe me, Bella. Don't be," Rosalie scoffs. "Being married to Emmett was like having a child. Some people never grow up."

"So, what is it that you do?" I ask her.

Rosalie's face lights up. "Interior design. Esme, Edwards mom, started a little business a few years ago and she asked me to be a part of it. Edward's an architect, so we usually work on the same projects together."

"Oh, that sounds cool."

"It is. Speaking of which," Rosalie looks down at her watch. "I'm going to be late for a meeting with a client. Can you find your own way back?"

"Yeah," I tell her. "I'm fine."

"Okay, do you mind giving him these papers too? He asked me if I could pick them up for him." I take the papers that she holds out to me. "Thanks so much. Oh, here."

Rosalie goes through her handbag and pulls out a pen and an old receipt. "Here's my number. Let's do coffee or lunch sometime next week. Sound good?"

"Sure." I'm not sure if I'll actually follow through, but I hate telling people no.

"Great, It was awesome meeting you. Call me!" Rosalie says and walks out of the kitchen.

I'm left standing alone in the kitchen, still awkwardly clutching the pie and a mug.

I almost drop both of them when I hear a familiar voice. "Rose? You in here?"

* * *

><p>So close. See you tomorrow.<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

Edward walks into the kitchen and stops when he sees me. "Oh, hello."

"Uhh, hi." Suddenly I'm seeing how bad of an idea this is.

"Sorry, I thought Rosalie was in here." He turns around to leave the room but stops. "Wait, you look familiar. Have we met before?"

I'm beyond mortified. He doesn't even remember me and I haven't been able to get him out of my head.

"Yeah, I kind of walked into you and spilled your coffee. We shared a cab."

"Right, yeah. How could I forget?" He smiles at me and then his eyes go to the pie.

"Is that pie?"

I put down my mug and hold it out to him. "It's for you."

"It's for me?" Edward takes it from me and lifts it up to his face, smelling it.

"Yes. I made it yesterday. I wanted to thank you for paying for the cab and apologize for the coffee thing."

"Ah," Edward says, setting the pie down on the counter. "A multipurpose pie."

"Yup."

There's an awkward silence that follows.

"So I guess I better-"

"How did you-"

We both begin talking at the same time.

"Sorry, go head," I tell him.

"How did you know where I work?"

Oh.

"Well, I kind of went to your house first. Rosalie answered the door and drove me here. I have your papers." I pick the papers Rosalie left with me and hand them to him.

"So you're a baker _and_ a stalker?" he asks.

"What? N-no, I guess it's kinda of creepy but I promise I haven't been watching you while you sleep or anything."

"I'm kidding. How about we have a slice of that pie now?"

* * *

><p>One later today. Thanks for all the reviews and alerts and all that! I'm so happy people are liking this.<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

Hi! Thanks to the couple people who told me that chapter 11 included 10 as well. I fixed it. Also, I haven't mentioned this before, but this fic is entirely unbeta'd. I go over it a couple times before I post, but there still could be errors.

* * *

><p>"I should actually get going," I tell Edward.<p>

"Why? Don't you want to see if I like the pie or not?"

I falter. I would like to see if he likes it or not. "Okay, I'll stay."

I sit down and watch as Edward moves around the kitchen getting plates, forks and a knife.

He sits down at the table across from me and cuts each of us a large piece of pie.

"Well, take a bite," Edward says, pushing my plate towards me.

I tentatively pick up my fork and scoop up a piece.

Thankfully, the pie tastes good.

Better than good.

The crust is buttery and flaky. The cherries are the perfect mixture of tart and sweet.

Edward follows suit and takes a bite of pie.

I think he groaned when the first bite went into his mouth.

"Oh, god. This is delicious," he says, his mouth still full of food.

Tiny crumbs fly out of his mouth and onto the table. "Oops," he grins at me.

I watch, equal parts amused and horrified, as he eats the rest of his slice.

Then goes for a second.

I can actually hear him groaning now as he shovels the pie into his mouth.

Somehow, he makes such a simple act really sexual.

When he's done, he pushes the plate away from him and slouches down in his seat, patting his stomach.

"That was amazing."

I smile, pleased with myself.

He stands up and takes both of our plates to the sink when his cell phone rings.

Taking it out of his pocket, he sighs before silencing the call.

"I should really call them back. It's a business call," he says, almost apologetically.

"Oh, okay. Yeah, I should really be getting going anyways," I say, standing up as well.

"Thanks for the pie, really. You didn't have to do anything."

"No, I wanted to. Really."

"Still, thank you. Now, let me walk you out." Edward makes a flourishing motion, and I walk past him into the main reception area.

I'm about to say something else, but his phone rings again. "Shit. It's the same people again. I really have to take this."

I don't even have the chance to say bye. He answers his phone and he's gone. Back into his office with the door shut.

"Can I help you with anything else?" His assistant asks. She's smiling smugly at me. She's happy to see how I just got blown off.

"No. I think that's all here," I say before leaving.

* * *

><p>Okay, so here's the deal. I probably won't be posting this weekend. Okay, that's a lie. I'll update maybe once a day Friday and Saturday? I started this out with a backlog of chapters, so posting was easy. But now...no backlog. Hopefully I'll write a lot of chapters this weekend cause it's kinda a little much to be writing and updating daily. I don't know how some authors do that! I'll also be working on WCN so I can post on the 24th with Tropical Sorbet.<p>

So, see you guys sometime tomorrow?


	13. Chapter 13

Outside on the street, I am numb.

Reality of my actions set in and I feel that darkness start to set within myself.

I walk home and by the time I get there, my feet are blistered are sore.

I try not to think about what a disaster the day had been.

Scratch that. Maybe it wasn't so much a disaster as it was a disappointment.

I hate the way Edward makes me feel.

I hate the way he was so indifferent towards me. How he didn't even remember me at first.

At times like this I miss my mom the most.

I miss having friends that I could talk to and share secrets with.

The ache I feel deep within myself never seems to lessen.

I get a glass of water and take my pills.

I delete the voicemails left by Dr. Black on my cell.

And I sleep.

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><p>I can't believe it's Monday already. That weekend went by fast. Regular updates again this week. See you later today.<p> 


	14. Chapter 14

Three days later Rosalie calls and asks me to lunch.

I have work, but when Mrs. Newton overhears the conversation, she's all too eager to tell me that I can take a long lunch.

We eat a place I can't afford. I think my eyes bulge out of my head when I open the menu and glance over the prices.

Rosalie insists on paying.

She tells me about her work. I can tell she really enjoys doing what she does.

She asks me about the bakery.

My answers are vague and evasive and she can tell, but she doesn't pry or ask personal questions.

While we walk back to the parking garage where her car is, we look at the window displays.

It's a few days away from Thanksgiving and the Christmas displays are already up.

Rosalie ooh's and aah's over the jewelery display at Tiffany's.

The afternoon is free of talking about Edward until we're in the car and she's driving me back to work.

"So, did you deliver the pie? I haven't talked to Edward since them, but Esme did mention he got the papers. thanks for that."

"Oh, yeah, I did," I tell her, hoping that she won't ask about it further.

"Okay. And?" She pushes.

"He seemed to like it. I didn't really get to talk to him or anything." I pause, then add, "he didn't actually remember me."

Rosalie shook her head. "Typical Edward. He can't even take his head out of his ass to think about anyone but himself.

"Hmmm," I say. I don't know how to respond to that.

"Esme said he has a date tonight, she set him up with one of her friends nieces or something. I'm actually kind of shocked. The poor girl doesn't even know what she's in for," Rosalie sighed. "Well, maybe he'll end up getting laid and that will loosen him up."

She laughs, so I laugh too.

Inside, I'm not laughing.

* * *

><p>See you tomorrow.<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

A date.

Edward has a date.

I'm quiet the rest of the way to work.

I kneed dough and mix ingredients for cupcakes, lost in a trance.

When I get home, I shower and feed Snickers.

I make a cup of tea and climb into bed with a book, but I can't focus.

It's a little after eight o'clock. Edward has probably picked up his date already. Or is he meeting her at a restaurant?

My mind works into overdrive for the next few hours.

I wonder what he's doing.

If he's having fun on the date.

Is he going to take her home with him?

My thoughts are making my stomach turn and twist.

I just want this night to be over.

The last time I see the clock, it's past midnight.

When I open my eyes again, it's morning.


	16. Chapter 16

I don't go home for Thanksgiving.

It's not that I don't love my dad or that I don't want to see him, I do.

I just want to be alone.

My mom loved holidays, so I think that he's reminded of her even more at this time of year.

Even though my parents had been long divorced, when my mom died, it was like losing her all over again for my dad.

I call Phil, my step-dad and wish him a happy Thanksgiving as well.

He sounds better and better each time I talk to him.

Like he's healing.

I don't think I ever will be able to.

While everyone is awake ridiculously early in the morning on Black Friday to shop, I'm awake ridiculously early to bake.

The bakery is in a little shopping center, so this time of year is good for business.

Mrs. Newton and I are both there making batter and dough for cupcakes and cookies.

There's a steady flow of people coming through the bakery all day.

It feels good to be busy and to focus on what I have to do.

By the time I get home, I'm too exhausted to do much more than sleep.


	17. Chapter 17

The Monday after Thanksgiving I see Paul.

He doesn't see me, though.

I was sweeping the floor while looking out the window.

I saw him walking into the bar.

Alone.

Forty minutes later, he doesn't leave alone.

On my lunch break I'm sitting in the back, eating a chunk of bread I made yesterday that didn't sell.

"Bella? There's someone out front asking for you. It's a guy," Mrs. Newton says, sticking her head through the door.

My mind instantly goes to Paul and I want to tell her to tell him that I'm not here or something.

"He's handsome," she adds, smiling. "You shouldn't keep him waiting."

I tell her I'll be right out and then stand up, making sure my clothes aren't covered in crumbs.

I give myself a pep talk about how I'm going to face Paul.

When I get out to the front, I plaster a smile on my face that falls as soon as I see it isn't Paul.

It's Edward.


	18. Chapter 18

I don't even know what happened yesterday, but 2 today!

* * *

><p>He's looking in the display case at all the cupcakes.<p>

I decide to try and play cool.

"Hello, how can I help you?" I ask, treating him like any other customer.

"Bella, hi," Edward looks up from the case and smiles.

"Oh, Edward. I didn't recognize you. Hi." I'm lying, of course. How could I not recognize him? "Are you here to pick up some cupcakes?"

"I actually wanted to say thank you again for the pie. It was really good. I realized I was so short with you when you came by. I was upset with work stuff. I won't bore you, though."

"That's fine, Edward. Really. You didn't have to go out of your way to come by here," I say. "How did you know where I worked, anyway?"

He rolls his eyes at me. "I have my stalkerish ways as well."

I look down and blush.

"I'm kidding. The box you brought the pie over in had the address on the sticker."

"Oh, right. Duh," I shake my head, feeling stupid. "Did you want something while you're here?"

Edward walks over to the display with the pies in it. "Did you make these?"

"No...It's the same recipe though so they should taste the same. I made the cupcakes though."

"Well, I think I'll take a cherry pie to go an a cupcake and coffee for here. Do you have time to sit with me for a cup?"

"Of course she does." Mrs. Newton must have snuck up behind me and answered for me. I turn around and there she is, smiling widely.

"Ookay, I guess I have time." I take off my apron and Mrs. Newton holds out her hands to take it from me.

"Good. So, what cupcake would you recommend?"


	19. Chapter 19

"Um, I like the black and white...coconut is pretty good too. So is the red velvet, I just put those out."

He smiles. "Okay, I'll take one of each then. And a coffee."

I take the three cupcakes out and put them on a plate, as well as box up a pie. Edward takes them from me and goes to sit down at a table.

I come back with a knife and two cups of coffee.

"So, Bella. How have you been?" Edward asks, taking a sip of his drink.

"I've been okay, I guess. Work has been busy," I add.

"Good. I've been okay too."

There's a lull in the conversation already and I watch as Edward cuts each of the cupcakes in half.

"How was your date?" I blurt out.

Edward looks surprised. "My date?"

I want to shrink up and disappear.

"Yes, I saw Rosalie and she told me you were going on a date..."

"Oh." Edward picks at a cupcake. "It was...okay."

"Just okay?" I ask. I'm a masochist.

"It was a blind date, kind of. I'd met the girl before once or twice but never really paid attention. She's a nice girl, though."

"Oh. So you'll go on a second date?" I realize I'm probably being too nosey, but he's offering answers freely, so I'll take advantage.

"Maybe. I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it or her until you just mentioned it."

Edward takes a bite of the red velvet. "This is amazing."

I smile and look down at my drink. "Thanks."

"So are you and Rosalie friends now?"

"I guess. We just went to lunch once. She's nice."

He makes a snorting noise. "More like an insufferable bitch, most of the time."

"You don't like her?"

"It's not that I don't like her. She's good at what she does. I tried not to pick sides during the divorce, but of course my loyalties lie with my brother. It was a mostly amicable divorce, though."

I nod, not sure what to say.

"Enough about my ex sister in law, though. Tell me more about yourself."

* * *

><p>The cupcakes are based off of Sprinkles Cupcakes. I really like those three flavors. Especially the black and white. Until tomorrow!<p> 


	20. Chapter 20

The rest of my break with Edward passes quickly.

He is nice, charming, funny.

I'm confused why he sought me out, then I remind myself to enjoy it while it lasts.

Because it won't last long.

I'm right. When he leaves there's no exchange of phone numbers.

A week later Rosalie calls and asks to meet me for drinks. I have to remind her I'm not old enough.

Instead, she invites me over for Chinese at her apartment. I'm unsure if I should accept the invite, but something about Rose tells me she doesn't like it when people tell her no.

It's not just Rose and me for dinner. Her cousin Jasper's wife, Alice, joins us as well.

She's small and bubbly and smiles brightly.

I'm quiet as we eat and they chat, but my ears perk up when Rosalie mentions Edward.

"He went on another date with Jessica last night. I think it went well, he was late for work this morning," Rosalie snickers. "You should have seen the way his assistant was acting this morning. Totally in a foul mood because she's had the hots for him since she started."

"I guess he's over Kate now?" Alice asks.

"I hope so," Rosalie says. "At least maybe on the way to being over her.

As I listen to them, I grow...jealous? I don't like this Kate that has a hold on him. I don't like Jessica for at least sparking his interest.

I had no hold on him. He didn't ask for my number or say he would see me around.

I feel sick.

* * *

><p>If you celebrate it, Merry Christmas! Only one today and maybe one tomorrow, yes? Thanks for all the reviews, faves and alerts!<p> 


	21. Chapter 21

I feel sick. I want to get up and leave and go home and cry.

I don't, though. Instead I smile through the rest of the conversation and soon enough, they've moved on to talk about Christmas.

Rosalie is spending Christmas at her ex-in-laws, while Alice is spending it with her parents and Jasper in Aspen.

"What about you, Bella? What are your plans?" Alice asks.

I pause. I haven't talked to my dad or Phil since Thanksgiving. I doubt I'll be spending the day with either of them.

"I'm not sure...I don't have any plans. I'll probably just hang out at my place."

I internally cringe at the shocked looks on their face.

"No, that won't do. You'll spend it with me and the Cullens, okay?"

"Rosalie, I couldn't impose like that. Seriously, I'll be fine on my own." I try to keep the horrified look off my face, thinking about showing up at Edward's parents house. He would definitely think I'm a stalker, then.

"Please, Bella?" Rosalie pouts. "I was going to bring a date to piss off Emmett, but I couldn't find one in time. I need at least one person who is completely unbiased in this situation."

With another pleading look, I can't say no. "Okay,...I guess I could go."

* * *

><p>Merry Christmas! What gifts did you get today?<p> 


	22. Chapter 22

Christmas is next week.

I'm constantly reminded of that from the flood of holiday orders that come into the bakery and the radio playing the same Christmas songs over and over again.

As suspected, both my dad and Phil don't expect me for the holidays. Dad has work. Phil plans on eating at one of his poker buddies houses.

I'm not looking forward to Christmas at the Cullen's. I'm nervous and anxious.

I try to think of ways to get out of

I'm so caught up in thinking about how much I don't want to go, that I think I'm imagining it when I hear Edwards voice.

I look up when I hear my name again and it's him. He's here.

With a girl.

"Edward, hi. Couldn't resist my pie and had to come back for more?" I try to joke.

"Yes. I hoarded the last one I didn't let anyone else have any."

I smile and the girl next to Edward clears her throat, loudly.

"Oh, sorry," Edward shakes his head. "Jessica, this is Bella. Bella, Jessica."

Jessica smiles at me, warm and sincere. "It's nice to meet you."

"You too," I mumble.

"Jessica and I just came back from a movie and I thought we'd stop by here."

"I love Red Velvet," Jessica adds.

"Great," I smile, attempting to muster up some enthusiasm.

They order their cupcakes and coffee and sit at a table in the corner by the window.

I'm hyper aware of them the forty minutes they stay there.

There's no outward affection and they sit on opposite sides of the table, but she laughs loudly at what he says and reaches across the table to touch his arm a few times.

I feel sick.

Mrs. Newton lets me take my break and I go sit in the kitchen. By the time I'm back out, Jessica and Edward are gone.

* * *

><p>Another one later today? Maybe.<p> 


	23. Chapter 23

I'm in a cab on the way to the Cullen's for Christmas dinner.

It's more than I can afford, but the buses aren't running.

When I went through my closet looking for something to wear, I realized the only dressy thing I owned was the dress I wore to my moms funeral.

I was able to find a sweater dress though on clearance at a little shop I always go by on my way to and from work.

It's grey with a pattern around the neck. I think it looks nice with my black tights and flats.

I try to relax and take deep breaths as I get closer and closer to the address Rosalie gave me.

I can't help but notice but as the longer we drive, the more the houses become bigger and bigger.

A few minutes later, the driver pulls up to a big beige house littered with white lights Christmas lights with those light up deer in the front yard.

I cringe as I pay the cab fare and step out into the cold San Francisco air.

Steeling my nerves once more, I walk up the stairs and ring the doorbell.

An older woman answers the door.

She instantly reminds me of June Cleaver, right down to her pearl necklace.

"Hi, I'm Bella."

"Bella!" She exclaims. "Oh, good. We've been expecting you. I'm Esme, come in!"

I follow her inside where she takes my coat from me and hangs it up on a coat rack.

"Rose is here, along with everyone else."

"I'm sorry," I say. "Am I late?"

"Oh, no, dear. We're just having eggnog. Can I get you a glass?"

"Yes, please."

We go to the kitchen first where she pours me a cup of eggnog and then I follow her to the living room.

Everyone is sitting around, chatting.

Everyone including Jessica, who is sitting between Edward and another guy.

Rosalie is talking to another older man who I assume is Carlisle, Esme's husband. When she sees me, she jumps up from her seat and over to me.

"Bella! You made it!" She throws her arms around me in a hug. I can smell the alcohol on her breath.

"Yeah, I'm here," I confirm, half hugging, half patting her on the back.

"Let me introduce you to to everyone," she says, releasing her hold on me and turning back to everyone.

"You already met Esme, that's Carlisle, her husband, then you know Edward, of course. That's Jessica, Edward's brought her," Rosalie gives me a look then, trying to tell me something. I'm just confused.

"We've meet," Jessica pipes up, smiling. "It's good to see you again. You didn't happen to bring any cupcakes with you, did you?"

"No," I tell her. "Not today."

"Anyways," Rose continues, "lastly, that's my wonderful ex-husband, Emmett."

"Pleasure to meet you, Bella." The way Emmett says my name flirtatiously. I look over at Rose to check her reaction and she just rolls her eyes and looks annoyed.

I hear a timer ding from the kitchen and Esme, either oblivious to the sudden slight tension on the room or choosing to ignore it, gets up from where she was sitting and rushes to the kitchen.

Rosalie leads me to sit back down besides her and I take a sip of my drink.

I scrunch my face up before quickly relaxing it again. It's spiked.

Rosalie takes notice of my action and nudges me in the side, then raises her glass up to clink with mine.

"Cheers," she mouths.

I feel like someone is watching me, a burning gaze to the top of my head.

When I look up I expect to see Jessica glaring daggers at me.

But it's not.

It's Edward.

And there's nothing contemptuous in his look.

* * *

><p>I want to thank Tropical Sorbet who put up with me while every few minutes I would bug and ask her for her opinion or help with something. She's awesome. Are you reading Edroar? If not, you should be.<p>

See you tomorrow morning!


	24. Chapter 24

Edwards gaze is piercing and I can feel it straight down to my toes.

Esme come back in the room though and he looks down at his drink.

Rosalie misses nothing though and she gives me a questioning look.

I shrug it off.

Dinner's ready, I follow behind everyone as they head to the dining room.

On one side of the table is Edward and Emmett with Jessica between them. I'm across from Edward and Rose is between Esme and I. Carlisle is at the head of the table.

Carlisle leads us through Grace, then we serve ourselves food and dig in.

I try to pay attention to the conversation, but it's hard to focus on anything when Jessica's hand disappears underneath the table.

I don't think anyone else notices and Edwards face doesn't give anything away.

"So, Rose, where's your date? Not that I mind you inviting the lovely Bella here tonight, but you did say you were bringing a guy here," Emmett says.

Rosalie sets down her fork and pauses. "Plans fell through."

"Yeah, sure, baby."

"I am _not_ your baby, Emmett," Rosalie's voice is low but firm.

"Aww, come on. Don't be like that," Emmett replies, smiling.

I look around the table to see everyone elses reaction. Carlisle and Esme have their heads down, focused on eating. Edward too.

They're all used to this.

It's just Jessica and I that have our attention on them.

"Wheres your date, Emmett? I don't see you bringing anyone either," Rosalie replies.

"Plans fell through," he replies, mimicking her. "But hey, why don't you trade places with me? I might like to sit next to Bella."

Emmett winks at me. I can't help but blush and look away.

"Enough." Edwards voice startles me. It's harsh and low. "This is a family dinner. We have guests. Can you two just please act civil towards each other through dinner?"

He glares at Rosalie first, who stares back at him, hard. His gaze turns to Emmett, who just shrugs in response and goes back to eating.

"Sorry, Rosie," he says through a mouth full of stuffing. "You know I love ya."

Rosalie looks like she wants to say something else, but she instead bites her lip and takes a long sip of her wine.

"So, Jessica. How is work going?" Esme asks.

* * *

><p>See you later today!<p> 


	25. Chapter 25

Jessica owns a daycare. She loves children.

Esme already knows a bit about Jessica from her aunt, but when Emmett asks her to tell us about herself, it's like a floodgate opens up.

Jessica likes to run every morning and fits in Yoga when she can.

When she tells me that some weekends she volunteers at the Humane Society by taking dogs on walks, I want to puke.

Luckily, the Jessica talk is finished when Carlisle all suggests we go back to the living room to have drinks and dessert.

After pecan pie and more eggnog, I'm feeling pretty good.

By good, I mean pretty buzzed.

The eggnog to rum ratio is pretty low and since I've never really drank before, the effects go into place fairly quickly.

A warm glow settles over me and lasts until Edward announces he's going to head out and Jessica stands up to leave with him.

Carlisle and Esme hug her goodbye.

They approve of her for Edward. Of course.

Even I had a hard time finding faults in her when she was telling us about herself.

After another piece of pecan pie, Emmett hugs his dad and kisses his mom on the cheek. He tries to hug Rosalie, but she crosses her arms and remains stiff in his embrace.

I feel awkward when Emmett hugs me. Even more awkward when he not so secretly passes me his number on a little piece of paper.

"Classy, Em. Real classy," Rosalie scoffs.

We leave right after Emmett does. Esme hugs me and hands me a paper bag of leftovers for me to take home.

I plan on taking a cab back to my place, but Rosalie insists on driving me.

In my buzzed state, I pinky promise to go over to her place for a girls night in two days.

When I get home, I'm just awake enough to put the food in the fridge and take off my shoes before I pass out on the bed.

* * *

><p>Thanks for all the reviews! See you guys later.<p> 


	26. Chapter 26

Girls night apparently consists of takeout, margaritas and chick flicks.

Rosalie calls me while I'm on my way there to see what I want on the pizza.

I tell her I don't care.

When I get to her house, I ring the doorbell. I hear laughter coming from inside the door.

I'm beyond shocked when the door opens and it's not Rosalie who answers.

It's Jessica.

Her face is flushed and she has a drink in her hand.

"Hi, Bella!"

"Hey, Jessica." I try to sound genuinely enthusiastic like her but I think it falls short.

"Bella! You made it!" Rosalie calls out to me from the kitchen as soon as I walk in. "You're right on time, too. I was just about to order the pizza."

Rosalie walks out of the kitchen and hands me a drink. I'm leery to take it, but she waves it in front of my face and tells me that I'll be fine.

"You're staying the night, right?" She eyes my ratty backpack I brought with me and I nod.

"So, Bella, how old are you then?" Jessica and I sit down on the couch while Rosalie orders the pizza.

"I turned nineteen in September," I say looking down at my drink.

"Awesome. I remember what it was like to be a teen. Those days were fun."

"What days were fun?" Rosalie said after she got off the phone.

"Being a teenager," Jessica says.

"Oh, those were fun days," Rosalie agrees. "You better enjoy your last year of being one before you have to be a real adult. But I guess you are one. At your age I was living at home and going to college."

"You're not in school?" Jessica asks. Her tone isn't judgemental, just curious.

"No, I was accepted but...I don't know what I want to do. I don't know if college is really for me." Half truth. Half lie.

"Oh, well that's fine. You still have tons of time to decide if you want to go," Jessica tells me. "I wasn't sure at first either."

Rose, I think sensing I'm a little uncomfortable suggests we pick a movie.

I let them pick because I've never seen any of the movies and none of them really sound that great to me.

The rest of the evening passes and I find myself actually like Jessica, despite the fact that I really, really want to hate her.

At a little after ten, Jessica yawns and stretches. "God, I'm going to have to run extra far tomorrow. Pretty sure I've eaten half my weekly caloric intake."

Rosalie laughs. "Right, Jessica. You're a stick. Don't even give me that."

"Really?" Jessica looks down at herself. "Thanks. Although we'll see how I look in a few months now that I've discovered the Red Velvet cupcakes at the Bella's bakery."

"Those are pretty good," I agree. "Mrs. Newton swears she uses a secret ingredient, but I have no clue what it is."

"Speaking of which..." Jessica looks nervous. "I went by the bakery yesterday to get one. You weren't there."

I wasn't. Mrs. Newton had given me the day off because I had worked a lot of extra hours. "I had the day off."

"So, who was the guy that was working there?" she asks.

I pause to think. The only other person that worked there sometimes was Renata. Unless Mrs. Newton's son, Mike had been there."

"He was tall, blonde hair, blue eyes," Jessica adds.

"That's Mike, he's the owners son."

"Is he hot, Bella? Single?" Rosalie asks, winking at me.

"Umm...he's single. I guess he's attractive," I say, feeling awkward.

"But there's like...nothing going on between you two, right?" Jessica asks.

"Right. Nothing going on. At all." I leave out part where Mike has asked me out a few times. I've always turned him down, anyways.

"Well, do you think maybe you could give him my number? I think he was interested yesterday, but it got kind of busy and I was a feeling a little shy."

I look over at Rosalie, who just shrugs and sips her drink.

"Sure...but I mean, what about Edward? Did something happen?" I internally winced. I sounded a little too eager.

"What about Edward?"

* * *

><p>I stayed up extra late last night to write this. It's double the length they usually are! So there may or may not be a chapter later today.<p>

To the anon reviewer that says I should update more frequently...it's hard enough to write daily and post twice a day! I'm kind of surprised I've been able to keep this up.


	27. Chapter 27

What about Edward? "I mean, you guys are together. He brought you to Christmas dinner," I say.

"Oh," Jessica laughs. "No, we're not together. Edwards great and all...but there's nothing there. He's kind of...off."

"Off?" Rosalie asks.

"Yeah, like...okay. This is really kind of embarrassing...but the first date we kind of had sex." Jessica looks at her glass as she says this and when she's done, she takes a long drink from it.

"Kind of? You either had sex or you didn't," Rosalie laughs.

"Okay. We did. We had gone out to dinner and then to a bar and I guess we just both got really drunk. I don't remember anything really, but the next morning I wake up and he's in bed with me. Totally awkward."

"Totally," Rose agrees and I nod along with her.

"Anyways, when he woke up, he apologized and said that he didn't mean for it to happen and said that he wasn't 'emotionally available,'" Jessica says, making air quotes. "Which I totally get. Esme had told me that he had gotten out of a long term relationship a couple years ago."

"So then what's the deal with Christmas?" Rosalie asks.

"My Aunt went to Oregon to my Uncles family. I couldn't afford a ticket to go back home to New York. I've only lived here for a couple months...I don't really know anyone so Esme invited me for dinner."

"You moved across the country? Why?" Rosalie asks. "I'd never be able to move to a different place if I didn't know at least one person."

"When I said I understood Edward's thing about his ex...it's because up until eight months ago I was in a long term relationship too. Tyler and I had been together for four years, then he tells me he cheated and the girl was pregnant. And that was that. He moved out of our place and I broke the lease, quit my job and moved out here. My aunt originally owned the daycare, but I was able to take it over from her."

"Well, that's good. Thank God Emmett never cheated on me. Or at least I don't' think he did. Otherwise I'd go all Loraina Bobbit on him."

I'm frozen the whole conversation. It's like the worse possible things I was thinking have come true.

"But...what about that under the table action at dinner?" I immediately regret asking. "Sorry, that's none of my business."

"Under the table action?" Jessica asks. She looks confused.

"Don't think I didn't notice your hand constantly going under the table. You were totally giving him a handjob," Rosalie adds.

"Oh my God," Jessica drops her head to her hands, then lifts it back up. "Are you serious? I just kept using my napkin. His parents must think I'm such a whore!"

"It's fine, Jessica. Carlisle and Esme probably assumed you were just wiping your hands. I mean, they know you're not dating, right?"

Jessica shrugs. "I don't know...I don't think so? Edward mentioned something about wanting to get Esme off his back."

"Figures. Men. But let's get to the good stuff," Rosalie grins devilishly. "You don't remember the sex at all? Did he get your off?"

"Rosalie!" Jessica giggles.

"What?" Rosalie asks. "I'm just curious. Did he have a big dick? Emmett was particularly gifted in that area. I've always wondered if they were alike in that aspect."

Jessica giggles again.

I feel all the alcohol and pizza I've eaten churn in my stomach and my mouth fill with saliva.

I jump off the couch and stumbel dizzily. "Bathroom?" I call out, already running down the hall.

"Last door on the left!" Rosalie calls out.

I barely make it in time before I empty my stomach out in the toilet.

* * *

><p>Still with me? One more later today.<p> 


	28. Chapter 28

Everything feels heavy.

I feel sick.

When I open my eyes, I wonder where I am.

Then last nights activities come back to me.

I stretch and sit up. I'm in Rosalie's bathroom. She must have brought a pillow and a blanket for me.

My mouth is dry and my head is pounding.

I get up off the floor and walk to the living room. Jessica's sleeping on the couch and Rosalie is sitting quietly at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee.

"You're awake," Rose smiles. "Want a cup of coffee?"

I'm tempted, but what I want more than anything right now is a hot shower, a toothbrush, Snickers, and my own bed.

"Nah," I shake my head. "I think I'm going to head out. Sorry I got sick and ruined the fun last night."

"Oh, you didn't. I feel a little hungover today too. Do you need a ride back?"

I check my backpack to make sure I still have my bus pass. "Nope. I'm good. Thanks for the fun night."

Rosalie stands up and walks over to hug me. "Call me, okay? I'm busy with work this week but maybe we can do something next week?"

"Sure."

While I take the bus home, I think about the night before.

Edward and Jessica had sex.

Jessica wants Mike to call her.

Edward doesn't want a relationship with with Jessica and vice versa.

I hate that they had sex.

I hate that I want to hate Jessica but I can't.

I hate that I think I want Edward but he doesn't want me.

* * *

><p>Let me know what you think! I think I'll take tomorrow off from posting so I can write next weeks chapters. So, see you Saturday!<p> 


	29. Chapter 29

Last day of the year.

I spend it in bed, alone. Or alone with Snickers.

I have no plans for the evening.

Rose, as she had begun insisting I call her called me last night and said that she was so, so sorry but I couldn't spend New Years Eve with her and the group.

They had gotten tickets a couple months ago for some New Years Eve party at a club. Tickets are sold out, but it's 21 and over, anyways.

When I ask her who 'the group' was, she tells me Jessica, Alice, Jasper, Emmett, his date, and Edward.

As soon as she says Edward was going to be there, I want to go.

Why did I have to be a teenager still?

So I decided to stay home and catch up on reading and sleep.

But I can't read because I can't focus.

I can't sleep either.

I guess that's a good thing though, because at eleven Rosalie calls me and asks me to stop by the club.

* * *

><p>Happy New Year! So, I took an unplanned weekend off. It was nice. I wasn't planning on posting tonight, but then I wrote this and thought, why not?<p>

What did you do for New Years Eve?


	30. Chapter 30

I can tell that Rose is drunk when she calls.

She tells me they're at The Cellar. She can't tell me where it is, but I've passed it a few times before and I know that I only have to take one MUNI line to get there.

It takes me a little while to freshen up and put on clothes. I don't bother making myself too dressed up since I know that I can't get inside the club anyways.

At eleven-forty I'm standing outside of it, calling Rose.

She's not answering.

After a couple more calls, she does.

"H-helloooo," Rosalie slurs. "Bella! Come inside, come inside!"

"Hey, Rose. I can't get in. They won't let me."

"Bastards!" She yells.

I laugh a little. Maybe this wasn't a good idea. Rose probably doesn't even remember calling me.

"Rose? You still there?" I hear her talking, but it's not to me.

"Fuck off!" Rose yells. I don't think it's to me, though. "Bella, I don't even know..."

The line goes dead.

I wonder what to do next, but I'm not sure.

The next MUNI doesn't even come until after midnight.

I wait a while longer, ignoring the looks from some of the guys that have stepped out to smoke.

I nearly jump out of my skin when someone taps me on the shoulder.

"Bella?"

It's Edward.

He looks good.

Black slacks and a grey button down with the sleeves rolled up past his elbows.

Flushed face and crazy hair.

"Sorry about Rose. Someone should have taken her phone away from her. I really don't think she's in any condition to be calling people," Edward apologizes.

"Oh, that's okay. I guess I should get going anyways and wait for the bus."

"Wait, you're taking MUNI at this time? Alone?" Edward asks.

"Umm...yeah. How else would I get home?"

"That's really stupid, you know."

"Stupid?" I ask. "I can't afford a cab. The bus works just fine," I tell him.

"Let me call you a cab."

"Edward, it's New Years Eve, I'm not going to be able to find a cab at this time. The bus is fine."

"It's unsafe," he insists.

I roll my eyes at him, then stare him down. We're silent for a few moments, staring each other down. Then, from inside the club I hear the DJ come on and announce the midnight countdown.

The smokers quickly snubbed out their cigarettes and rushed back inside.

_10..._

"You should probably go back inside," I tell him. "It's almost midnight. They'll be wondering where you went."

Edward shrugs. "It's fine. They've all had more to drink than me, I think."

"Suit yourself," I tell him, sighing. "I guess I'll go to the bus stop and wait."

"Please, don't. I saw how those guys were looking at you just now. It'll be ten times worse when you're on the bus with a bunch of drunks."

"I'll be fine," I insist. "Bye."

I turn around to leave, but he catches me by my wrist and pulls me towards him.

_1..._

His lips are on mine in an instant.

_Happy New Year!_


	31. Chapter 31

Edward tastes like beer.

His lips are soft on mine.

The kiss is so, so good.

But before I can really enjoy it, it's over.

"Ah, shit. Shit. Fuck."

He paces away from me and then back to me.

His hand goes to his hair and runs through it.

"I'm really sorry, you're a nice girl, Bella. But I don't want you to get the wrong idea. It's New Years. I've had too much to drink. I got caught up in the moment."

He lists a million more excuses, but I tune them out.

Then he's gone.

And I'm left standing here.

What the fuck just happened?

* * *

><p>You guys all had fun New Years. I didn't do anything special. I forgot to mention last chapter that The Cellar is a real place in San Francisco.<p>

See you tomorrow morning!


	32. Chapter 32

I stare at the spot Edward had just been standing in.

Did that really just happen?

I bring my hand up to touch my lips.

I can still feel him.

A few guys stumble drunkenly out of the club and leer at me, making me feel uncomfortable.

Instead of confronting them, I swallow back the tears that are threatening to flow and make my way back home.

The next morning, I'm pissed.

I want to call Edward and demand to know what his problem is.

I get it, he's fucked up. I am too; probably more so than he is.

The problem is, is that I don't have his phone number.

Rose would be too suspicious if I called her and asked for it.

Judging by the way Rose was last night, she's probably still sleeping anyways.

I don't know what to do, so I don't do anything.

I go to work and come home.

I ignore all my phone calls.

I wonder why Paul started calling me again.

Everything was okay until there's a knock at my door.

* * *

><p>I love all your reviews. Seriously. You guys are awesome.<p>

See you later today!


	33. Chapter 33

I don't bother checking who it is at the door before opening it.

I'm not expecting anyone, so I assume it's just my landlady. Or maybe one of the other tenants.

It's not.

It's Edward.

He looks haggard. Definitely hungover.

"Bella."

I ignore how the way he says may name makes me feel and get straight to the point. "What are you doing here, Edward? How do you even know where I live?"

"Can I come in?" he asks, ignoring my questions.

I look behind me to my place.

The beds unmade. Last nights clothes are still lying in a pile on the floor. There's dishes in the sink I haven't gotten to yet.

"Erm...sure."

Edward smiles and comes in.

He doesn't hide his shock at seeing my place.

Sure, it's not a house like his is. And there's just one room. And it's really messy.

"You don't have to act so disgusted, you know. I know it's small. But I like it."

"I'm sorry. I'm just tired," Edward says.

"How did you know where I lived?"

"Mrs. Newton. I just had to charm her a little bit," he laughs, like he wants me to laugh too to lighten the mood.

"Okay, well you went to all that effort. What do you want?" I ask, scooping up Snickers from off the ground and hugging him to me.

"I wanted to apologize for last night."

"Right," I huff. "I think you already did enough apologizing tonight. It was a mistake, I get it. You can leave now."

Edward makes no move to leave, though. Instead he goes and sits down on my bed.

"No, that's not what I want to apologize for. I want to say I'm sorry for leaving you alone last night. I wasn't thinking clearly and did the exact opposite of what I wanted to."

"It's okay," I tell him. And it is. I'm more upset about him leaving after kissing me than leaving me to go home alone.

"It's not. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left."

"Okay. What do you want me to say, apology accepted? It's fine."

Edward sighs. "Listen, I suck at this. I didn't plan on kissing you last night. It just kind of happened. I know I don't know you that well, but what I do know about you, I like. I can't help it."

"Okay..."I say dumbly. I don't know how to respond. My head spins and I have to force myself to not get my hopes up.

"But I'm in no position to be in a relationship now. It's not something that I want at this point. Besides that, you're young. You're only nineteen."

"I don't feel nineteen. I feel older. But, whatever. I never expected anything from you. I learned not to expect anything from anybody."

"Bella, I..."

"I think it's time for you to go."

"Just let me explain," Edward pleads.

"Edward, there's nothing to explain. I get it. Being alone New Years sucks. I was there, it was midnight. It was just a kiss. Whatever. I have stuff to do, so.." I let Snickers down and motion to the door.

"Right. Okay," Edward stands up and pulls out his phone. He types quickly on it and then sticks it back into his pocket. My phone chimes with a new text message from the kitchen.

"Now you have my number. Just in case. Okay, bye, Bella," Edward gives me a slight smile and then leaves.

I stare at my phone like it's going to explode, but after a few moments I go over to it and save the number.

Just in case.

* * *

><p>One step forward, two steps back? Or maybe they're still where they were before. Let me know what you think.<p> 


	34. Chapter 34

I'm just so, so tired of everything.

I'm tired of thinking about Edward when he won't allow himself to open up to me.

Not that I've opened up to him, but still.

As the anniversary of my mothers death grows close, I feel myself turning inward.

How could it already be two years since she left us?

Charlie was begging me to come home. He only told me for a visit, but I knew he wanted me home for good.

Phil suggested I go to Jacksonville, to visit her grave.

Instead, I ask Mrs. Newton for time off. She gives me two weeks. She knows what's coming up.

I gratefully take the time off, even though I know I can't afford two weeks with no pay.

Part of me doesn't care.

I lay in bed and block everything out.

Except feeding Snickers, of course.

I don't think about how my mom died or how things were left when she died.

I focus on the pain in my chest.

It's a crushing, heavy weight that I feel trapped under.

I debate calling Doctor Black, but I lost his number.

So I just lay there.

And try not to think.

* * *

><p>Poor Bella. See you next chapter, later today.<p> 


	35. Chapter 35

The next day there's a knock at the door.

I lie in bed and will them to go away.

After a minute, I think they do.

Until the knocking starts again.

This time, it doesn't stop.

I wonder who it is.

My landlady?

Rosalie?

Paul?

I groan and throw the cover off of me and stomp over to the door.

"Open up, Bella!" I hear, just as I open the door.

"Oh. Hi. I was sleeping."

"I can tell," Edward says, looking me up and down.

I'm suddenly very aware of the condition I'm in.

Unshowered, wearing an over sized t-shirt and boyshorts with my fuzziest pair of over the knee socks.

I self consciously try to run my fingers through my hair and wish that I had put on a sweatshirt or something before answering the door.

"Is that how you always answer the door?" Edward asks, finally looking at my face.

"Did you just come over to ask about my clothing choices? Like I said, I was sleeping."

"Where have you been?" Edward asks, ignoring me and walking into my place. "Rosalie said you haven't answered her calls and Mrs. Newton said you asked for time off work."

"Well, I'm still alive, if that's what you're wondering," I spin in a circle. "See? I just don't feel good."

"Are you sick?"

"Something like that," I tell him, crawling back into bed. "Can you lock it on the way out?"

"No," Edward says, shutting the door behind him and walking over to the bed.

"Listen, Edward. I'm pretty sure you've made your feelings clear. If Rosalie was so concerned about me, she would be here instead of you."

"Jesus," Edward huffs. "I keep fucking things up, don't I?"

I open my mouth to answer, but he doesn't give me time. "You make me feel things that I haven't felt in a long time. That I'd given up on feeling. I guess...I have issues trusting people. Women."

"Okay."

"I was worried about you. Am worried. You basically vanish of the face of the earth since I last saw you and I thought it had to do with me."

"I have a lot of shit on my mind right now, okay? January just isn't a good month for me."

"Why?" Edward asks, sitting down on the bed next to me.

"I don't want to talk about, not now." I sit up and pat the bed besides me for Snickers to come jump up.

"Well, maybe after you shower?"

"Are you trying to tell me something?" I ask, feeling defensive.

"Yeah...you kind of smell," Edward tells me.

"Asshole!" I smack him in the chest. I didn't bother telling him that I probably really did need a good, long shower.

"How about I order us a pizza while you go...freshen up?" He says the last part with a little smile. The jerk thinks it's funny.

"Fine. Extra cheese, extra pepperoni. Don't touch my stuff while I'm gone either."

I get out of bed and go to my dresser to get clothes.

I walk over to my bathroom door and pause, turning around.

He's looking at me with an amused expression in his face.

I roll my eyes and shut the bathroom door behind me.

* * *

><p>Thanks for all the positive support! I know not everyone loves this fic but the overwhelming amount that do is just awesome. Never expected over 300 reviews. See you tomorrow. Maybe for 3? Maybe.<p> 


	36. Chapter 36

The hot water is so nice and I struggle between wanting to take my time and relax in the shower and wanting to rush through it. I'm not entirely sure I trust Edward not to snoop.

Seven minutes later, I'm out of the shower put on a pair of plaid pj bottoms and a clean t-shirt.

After running a brush quickly through my hair, I go back into the living room.

Edward is laying on my bed, having propped my pillows up, with his hands behind his head.

At first, I think he might be asleep.

"I'm not asleep, you know," Edward says, not opening his eyes.

I roll my eyes. "Do you want a drink? I've got..." I walk over to the fridge and open it up. It's basically empty. "...water."

"Is it bottled?" Edward asks. I look over to him. He's sitting up now with Snickers in his lap, petting him.

"Tap."

"That's okay. I ordered a bottle of coke with the pizza."

"Suit yourself." I take out a glass from the cupboard and half fill it, then guzzle it down.

It feels awkward in the room, so I busy myself with the stack of dishes in the sink.

I kind of do my own thing while Edward hangs out with Snickers. Luckily, I'm able to kill enough time until the pizza comes.

My mouth salivates when I see the pizza. I think the only thing I've eaten the past week has been toast and dry cereal.

At times like this I wish I had a table to eat at. Usually I just eat at my desk or on my bed. But it feels weird to have Edward sitting on my bed with me with the pizza between us.

We eat mostly in silence. He asks me about pie. He tells me about architecture.

I can tell he's dying to ask me what's wrong.

If he asks, I might tell him.

It might be nice to tell someone that isn't a therapist or a doctor.

San Francisco was meant to be a fresh start. In Forks, people had known my mother. In Jacksonville, there was Phil and his parents.

I steel my nerves and take a deep breath.

"You can ask, you know? You can ask me what happened."

* * *

><p>So, what do you think happened?<p> 


	37. Chapter 37

Edward takes a deep breath in then out before he looks at me.

"Do you want me to ask?"

I shrug. "I don't know. Sure. I've never told anyone what happened before." At least no one that has already read my medical folder or already heard it through the grapevine.

"Why me?" He asks, looking genuinely curious.

"Why not you?"

"Fair enough." Edward pauses again, then he asks. "What happened?"

I'm unprepared with the effects a simple question has on me.

All the sudden I'm seventeen again. I'm mad at my mom and haven't talked to her in nearly a week.

When my phone rings, it's an unfamiliar number, but I know the area code.

Everything comes crashing down.

"My mom was always...overbearing, you know? Like, she tried so hard to be my best friend when sometimes I just needed a mom."

Edward nodded and I took a deep breath before continuing.

"It was my senior year of high school and I had sent all my college apps out already. I didn't tell my mom that I hadn't applied to anything in Florida, where she was living. I'd applied only to the west coast.

Well, she kept talking about how excited she was that I would be moving closer to her and I never bothered telling her any differently. I didn't want to hurt her feelings."

I pause again and take a sip of my coke.

"One day I told her that I hadn't applied for any Florida schools. To say she was mad was an understatement. We ended up fighting over it. She was yelling at me, saying how I had been lying to her for months and how much she was looking forward to having me back with her. I hung up on her. I said I wanted to stay on the west coast and didn't want to be around her."

"Well, Bella. Lots of teens fight with their moms. I know I gave mine a few grey hairs when I was younger," Edward tells me.

"I know, but...I was just so mad. I didn't talk to her for almost a week. She only called me a couple of times, I think she was giving me space," I tell him.

I swallow hard and feel tears welling up.

This is the really hard part.

"There was a phone call. I don't know why I answered, It was the same area code as my mom, but I didn't recognize the number. It was a doctor. He said he was terribly sorry, but my mom had gotten sick and didn't make it."

"I'm so sorry," Edward says, he reaches out grabs my hand squeezing it. "What...what happened?"

"Brain aneurysm. It happened so fast. She was fine and then she wasn't." I scoff, "well, she wasn't fine. I guess she had been having headaches, but she would always brush it off as being stressed or something. She never mentioned them to me."

"She was at the house one night and I guess just...collapsed. There wasn't anything the doctors could do and within two hours of getting to the hospital...she was gone."

"I can't imagine you had to go through that."

The compassionate look on Edwards face causes me to burst into tears.

It feels like a dam has burst and there's no stopping the tears.

I expect Edward to be freaked out and run, but he doesn't. Instead, he pulls me to him and just...holds me.

When the tears ebb enough, I continue.

"Everything else kind of runs together. I remember telling my dad. Flying to Jacksonville. Going to the funeral. After all that, back at school I was treated differently. None of my friends called my anymore. I didn't go to football games or parties or anything. When I graduated high school, I wanted to get away from Forks, so I had some money saved up from working and from my mom and stuff, so I moved to San Francisco."

Edwards silent and I pull myself away from him.

I'm certain I've scared him off now.

"All I can think of is how we left things. Fighting. Not speaking to each other. If she saw me now, I don't even know what she would say."

I decide not to tell Edward about the recent events.

Not just yet.

Maybe not ever.

"Bella, I'm sure she'd be proud of you. And for how things were left when she passed, I'm sure she loved you just as much as you love her."

* * *

><p>So Bella (finally?) opens up a bit to Edward and we find out what happened with Renee. I hope I did this part justice. Also, if I'm wrong with any of the medical stuff, I'm only as knowledgeable as Google makes me.<p> 


	38. Chapter 38

"I'm sorry. I'm so gross. I've gotten your shirt all dirty," I apologize, pulling away from him.

Edward looks down at his snot and tear stained shirt. "Eh, it's okay. It's just an old shirt."

I stand up from my bed and straighten out my clothes. "I'm just going to uh..freshen up. There's probably a t-shirt in the bottom left drawer of my dresser that would fit you."

I go into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. I'm almost afraid to look in the mirror, but I do anyways.

My hair is all knotted and stuck to my cheeks.

My face is red and blotchy and my eyes are puffy and red.

I get out a hairbrush and quickly run it through my hair and then splash cool water on my face.

When I'm about to go back out, I pause.

Is Edward still going to be there or did he slip out while I was in the bathroom?

I try to tell myself that either way, it doesn't matter.

But when I open the door, he's still there on my bed.

He smiles at me, but it's different. There's not doubt I've probably scared him.

"Hey, Edward? I'm sorry I freaked out and got all emotional. I didn't mean to unload on you like that."

Edward shushes me. "Are you really apologizing, Bella? Don't. Besides, I did ask. I'm glad that you trust me enough to tell me. Why do you trust me?"

"I don't know." I don't even know if I do. Maybe it was a moment of weakness that made me open up to him.

I notice that Edward has changed into an old t-shirt and internally smile.

Where it's huge on me. It's tight on him and I can see the outline of lean muscle underneath the worn fabric.

Edwards moved the half empty pizza box and glasses to the kitchen, so I climb into bed and get under the covers, facing him.

He scoots down until he's laying next to me.

"When did it...when did it happen?"

"Tomorrow," my voice breaks. "It'll be two years tomorrow."

He's silent for a few minutes.

"Can I stay?"

"Yeah."

* * *

><p>Soo, I said I might do 3 updates yesterday, but obviously I didn't. Hopefully this weekend I'll be able to spend a while writing so I can have a lot of chapters prewritten. As it is, I'm basically just writing right before I post. See you later today!<p> 


	39. Chapter 39

I'm mentally and physically exhausted. Sleep finds me easily.

I don't even wake until before dawn.

But when I do, I panic momentarily when I'm trapped under a heavy weight.

Edward.

He stayed all night.

And now he's here, behind me with a leg thrown over mine and his arm tightly around my waist from behind.

The covers are down by our feet but I'm hot and uncomfortable from our body heat.

I'd also really like to pee.

I have to use both my legs to push his off of me and then wiggle down out of his embrace.

"I'm awake, you know," Edward grumbles, rolling over so he's face down in the pillow.

"Sorry. I was trying not to wake you," I apologize.

"Mmph."

"Edward?"

His breathing evens out and I know he's already back asleep.

When I'm out of the bathroom, I don't know what to do.

With Paul I only ever spent the night if it was late and we both passed out. I'd always leave early in the morning before he woke up because he would have kicked me out anyways.

Even then there was definitely no cuddling by either of us.

Instead of further debating it, I just go with what I want.

When Edward wakes up again, I know this will all be just because of him pitying me and nothing else.

I crawl back into bed and face him.

He looks so peaceful.

I close my eyes and allow myself a few more hours of blissful ignorance.

* * *

><p>One more later.<p> 


	40. Chapter 40

I wake up a few hours later.

The sun shines brightly through my window. I roll over.

The spot is empty.

Edward left.

I roll onto my back and close my eyes, taking a deep breath.

I wouldn't think about this. I expected nothing less.

He doesn't want me, anyways. Even if he did, he deserves someone better.

Someone whole.

Besides, today is a day for my mother.

Not for myself.

I curl up onto my side, grabbing the spare pillow beside me and hugging it.

I have a passing thought wishing that my mom was here for me to talk to.

That starts the tears.

I think about how different my life would have been if she hadn't of died.

If I hadn't made the decision to move to Forks, maybe I would have seen that something was wrong with her. I could have insisted she go to the doctor and they would have been able to do something.

Then I all the fun things we used to do together and how I considered her my best friend, even when I wanted her to be more of a mother.

Sobs wrack my body until it's hard to breathe and I can feel myself spiraling into a panic attack.

"Hey, hey, Bella. What's wrong?"


	41. Chapter 41

"R-Rose?" I sob, trying to control my breathing. "What are you doing here? How'd you get in?"

Rose rolls her eyes. "You've been ignoring me for days, I was worried. I could hear you crying from in the hallway and I checked your door and it was unlocked."

I nod my head in understanding and use the edge of my blanket to wipe at my face.

"What's up, Bella? What's wrong?" Rose sounds concerned as she sits on the edge of my bed beside me.

"I'm just sad, that's all," I tell her. My breathing has slowed down to almost normal now. "I'll be fine. Don't worry about me."

"Bullshit," Rose says. "Obviously you're not just a little sad. I thought we were friends? You can tell me what's wrong."

"Today's the anniversary of my mom's death. It's just a bad day. She's only been gone two years now."

"Aww, Bella." Rose scoots over on the bed and wraps me in a hug. "I'm so sorry. I had no idea."

"It's okay. It's not like it's the first thing I go around telling people. I'm usually okay. It's just today..."

"Hey. You don't need to explain yourself to me. I just came by to harass you out to brunch with me. Do you feel up to it?"

I'm hungry and the offer is tempting, but I really don't want to go. I want to stay in bed and wallow and be sad.

"I don't think so," I tell her, focusing my attention to my lap.

"Are you sure, Bella?" Rose asks. "We'll just go to someplace nearby. I'm starving."

I nod, reluctantly. "Yeah, okay. I am pretty hungry. Do I have time to go shower?"

"Sure. Can I just go in before you? I gotta piss like a racehorse."

I raise my eyebrows at her and just shrug. "Sure."

"Hey, it's a long cab ride from my place!" Rose heads to my bathroom and I stretch, getting out of bed.

Maybe it will be good to have some distractions for today.

* * *

><p>It's interesting you guys all thought it was Edwardthat he stayed. Bella lives in a studio. There was nowhere for him to hide!

Where did he go, though?

Are we mad at him?


	42. Chapter 42

I take my clothes into the bathroom with me and rush through my shower.

Just when I open the bathroom door, my front door starts to slowly open.

"Edward?" Rose asks when he sticks his head in the door.

"Rose?" he asks, looking just as surprised as she does.

"Edward..." I trail off. "What are you doing? I mean,...you left?"

He holds up the big paper bag he's carrying. "I just went out to get food. I thought you'd still be asleep so I didn't bother to leave a note. It took longer than I expected though."

"Are you guys like...did he spend the night?" Rose asks, looking between us. "I didn't even know you were friends."

I open my mouth but Edward beats me to it. "We're not, Rose. I just know that you were concerned for her and thought I would stop by."

I'm stunned. We're not friends? We're nothing. I'm no one.

I feel like I've been punched in the gut.

I look at Edward, but he's not looking at me.

"Okay, well," Rose motions between us. "This is weird. I think you two have something to talk about. So...let's take a rain check on brunch, okay?"

I nod dumbly. "Okay."

"If he's being a jerk still, call me. Or if you want to talk or have me come over, call. I'm free all day, okay?" She hugs me quickly and then lets go.

At the door, she stops in front of Edward and they have some weird staring match that ends in her huffing and walking out.

I don't know.

"Bella...I'm sorry."

* * *

><p>Not sure what just happened there. It was definitely going in the opposite direction until I wrote it down.<p>

Someone asked a few chapters back and I don't think I replied, but Edward is 30. Bella is 19.

Are we mad at Edward? Or understanding?

I liked hearing about where you thought he was.


	43. Chapter 43

"Why are you apologizing?" I ask, genuinely confused.

"What I said to Rose, I didn't mean it. You know, about us not being friends. We're friends, right?"

I shrug. "I don't know. I thought we were just...nothing."

"Bella. Seriously?" Edward asks, running a hand through his hair. "Nothing?"

"So, then what?" I ask, trying to get the heat off of me. "You say you're my friend but you're what, embarrassed of me? Ashamed? Why wouldn't you want Rose to know?"

"Ugh," Edward groans. "I don't want her harassing me. She'd think it was more than what it is. She knows that I don't make friends. Let alone female friends. She'd read too much into it."

"Is this about Kate?" I ask.

Edwards head snaps up and he glares at me. "How do you know about Kate?"

"Rosalie told me," his eyes narrow and it looks like he wants to say something, but I cut him off. "She didn't tell me anything, other than that she was your girlfriend."

"Yeah. Well, it's not any of her business to go telling people."

His harsh tone of voice takes me by surprise.

Clearly, this is a touchy subject for him.

My chin trembles and I swallow back tears.

"Oh, shit," Edward says, taking notice of me. "I'm sorry. Fuck. This is not how today was supposed to go. I shouldn't be unloading all my shit on you. I'm sorry."

"No," I wave my hand, dismissing his apology. "It's okay. I get it. You can go now."

"Are you..are you kicking me out?" Edward asks. He actually looks hurt.

"I don't know. Don't you want to leave? Don't stay on my account because you feel sorry for me."

"I'm not," he assures me.

"Then why are you staying?"

He's silent for a while. "I don't know."

"Okay."

"Are you hungry?" he asks. "I bought lots of food. It's probably all cold by now, but we could heat it up?"

"Yeah," I tell him. I'm not feeling all that hungry any more, but his gesture is nice. "I could eat."

* * *

><p>If you guys want, come find me on Twitter! I'm HappyMess89 over there. Or come say hi on Facebook. Link for that is on my profile.<p>

So, do you guys think Bella is being a pushover/letting it go too easily?


	44. Chapter 44

Edward had gotten a ton of food.

Omelette's, pancakes, french toast and bacon.

After we heated it up, we went back to my bed to eat.

It was awkward though.

Edward had hurt my feelings earlier, as much as I didn't want to admit it.

We ate mostly in silence and when we were done with the food, he quickly took our plates to the kitchen.

"Well, I guess I should get going," Edward says, pulling on his shoes.

"Yeah? Okay. Well, thanks for brunch, I guess," I reply. He doesn't even look me in the eyes as he gets his things and puts on his coat.

"I'll see you around, okay?" He asks. He sounds unsure, like he doesn't know if I'll want to see him.

Why does everything have to be so difficult?

"Yeah. I guess so."

"Okay. Cool. Well, bye, Bella."

Then he's gone.

And I'm left alone.

It's only one now.

I have a long day ahead of me.

I want to go back to bed and sleep the day away, but I'm wired.

I haven't checked my phone yet today, so I grab it from my nightstand and turn it on.

There's a lot of missed calls and voicemails.

I'm startled when it starts to ring in my hands that I don't even think twice about answering the call.

"Hello? Isabella?"

"Hey, Dr. Black."

* * *

><p>So, Dr. Black finally caught her. Is she gonna go to therapy (finally?) She needs it.<p>

Did you guys watch the PCA's last night? What did you think about Rob's hair? (or lack thereof)

See you later today!


	45. Chapter 45

You guys are pretty split on Rob's new hair. Me? He's handsome no matter what. But I'm still mourning his '08 hair and originalwards bouffant.

* * *

><p>I inwardly curse myself.<p>

Dr. Black has been trying to get a hold of me since I left treatment.

I've ignored him so far.

His phone calls became less frequent, so I thought he had given up on me.

Of course he'd call today though.

I never should have doubted.

"Isabella, I've been trying to get in touch with your for months now."

"I've been...busy," I lie. "Every time I thought of calling you back, it was after hours."

"You know that you can call whenever. So I don't buy that for a second." Dr. Black sounds so angry. I guess I would be too, if I was in his position.

"Okay."

"You never made it to any of our therapy sessions. Your Lexapro prescription is about to run out, I need to meet with you in order to authorize refills. Have you been taking it as prescribed?"

"Of course," I lie again. I'm feeling like a huge failure. I don't need this today.

Dr. Black sighs deeply, then is silent. "Isabella, we agreed that you would take your medicine as prescribed and that you would meet with me weekly."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize to me, Isabella. The only one you're hurting here is yourself. Now, I know that today is the anniversary of your mothers passing. Do you want to talk about it? I have an opening at four. I'd appreciate it if you were to come."

I'm silent. Warring between what I want to do and what I should do.

Maybe this is what I need.

Maybe it will help me clear my head.

"Yeah, okay. Four should be good."

* * *

><p>So she's going to go! Or is she? Her day has certainly been...interesting so far.<p>

See you tomorrow!


	46. Chapter 46

As soon as I get the address from Dr. Black and end the call, I panic.

I'm not prepared for this.

At all.

I waste time online for a while. Then play with Snickers.

I decide to leave early, just in case I get lost.

Dr. Black and the treatment Center are across the bridge in Mill Valley.

His wife, Leah is also a therapist and has an office in San Francisco.

She doesn't have a patient later, so she's letting Dr. Black use her office.

I'm nervous all the way to his office.

He sounded mostly okay on the phone, but will he be upset with me that I've been ignoring him these past months?

Is he going to be disappointed when he sees what little progress I've made?

By the time I'm outside the building, my nerves are frayed.

I'm still fifteen minutes early, but I knock on the door anyways.

Dr. Black answers.

"Isabella, I'm so glad that you came." He doesn't act like he's surprised to see me, but his words say otherwise.

"Sorry I'm early."

"Not a problem. Come on in." Dr. Black holds the door open for me. I walk in but don't sit.

"Isabella, it's nice to see you again. Dr. Black, Leah, says. She smiles warmly at me and holds her hand out for me to shake.

"You too, Dr. Black." I had never had any sessions with her, but I had seen her at the Center a few times.

"Okay, well I'm just going to go do some work at Starbucks. Call me when you're done," she says, leaning over to kiss Dr. Black on the cheek. "Bye, Isabella."

When she leaves, Dr. Black focuses his attention back to me. "So, why don't you take a seat?"

I look around. The set up is basically the same as Dr. Blacks office at the Center. I pick the seat I normally would have sat in there.

Once he sits down, he grabs his notebook and pen and opens it up.

"So, Bella. Where do you want to start?"

* * *

><p>So, I think we're very close to finding out about what Bella was up to at the very beginning of this story. Any guesses?<p>

One more later today!


	47. Chapter 47

"Umm...I'm not sure," I tell him, looking down.

"Okay, well. What about work, are you still working at the bakery?"

"Yeah," I tell him. I decide not to mention the part where I haven't been in over a week.

He asks me other basic questions about my day to day life. Boring things. Easy things.

I'm not surprised when he gets to the point of our meeting.

"Do you want to talk about today, Isabella?" he asks. "I know it's a hard day for you. I can't say I'm not concerned about your health."

"Mental, you mean," I laugh, darkly.

"Well, yes. I can't say that I'm not concerned about your progress. You've missed every appointment in the past months. I'm concerned about the lack of progress you've seemed to make."

"I'm fine," I grit out.

"Isabella, Phil called me, he's worried. Your dad is too. Now, they want to help you, they've offered to help pay for another stay at Bridges, for the remaining cost of treatment, we can set up a payment plan."'

"No," I shake my head, standing up. "I'm not going back there. I'm fine."

"They're worried, Isabella. It would really be in your best interest. They fear that the longer you don't get the help you need, the greater the chance of another attempt."

I turn to look at Dr. Black. He's the picture of calm.

Me?

I want to cry and scream and throw things.

"I told you before, just like I told them. I wasn't trying to kill myself."

* * *

><p>Hey, so it would be kind of cool if Down had a banner. Are any of you guys talented in that area? You'd have free reign just as long as EB are Rob and Kristen and keeping in mind that E is 30 and B is 19.

I'd be super appreciative!

See you later. This weekend? We'll see.


	48. Chapter 48

I slam the door to his office shut.

I am angry.

So, so angry.

How dare he?

I sure as fuck was not going back to Bridges.

And I didn't try to kill myself.

I had just wanted to sleep.

I didn't want to think or feel or be.

Just sleep.

I don't want to think about it any more.

I'm still standing just outside the door of his office.

I feel like a fool.

The tiny bit of pride I have tells me to not go back inside.

To do so would be like crawling back with my tail between my legs.

But...I felt bad for snapping.

He wanted a reaction and he got one.

I'm unsure whether to knock back on the door, or leave.

Dr. Black makes the decision though when he opens the door.

"Are you done, Isabella? Would you like to come back in?"

* * *

><p>This might take the place of tomorrow mornings chapter. I had a few chapters pre-written, but basically decided I didn't like the direction they were taking the story, so I'm back to the drawing board. I should have a new one up tomorrow night (fingers crossed!)<p> 


	49. Chapter 49

Some of the stuff in this chapter could be triggering. A few things in this fic could be. Just putting that out there!

* * *

><p>I debate it.<p>

I could leave and not come back.

He wouldn't stop me.

There's a nagging voice in my head though, one that's telling me to go forward.

To stay and talk to him.

My feet propel me forward until I'm sitting back in the chair I was a few minutes earlier.

Dr. Black sits back down as well and waits for me to speak.

"I didn't try to kill myself," I insist again.

"Isabella-"

"Wait," I interrupt. "I didn't mean to overdose. I didn't think I had taken too much."

The expression Dr. Black was giving me told me he believed otherwise.

I knew how bad it looked.

"You took a cocktail of drugs with alcohol in your system. The paramedics found you unconscious on your kitchen floor with slit wrists. You can understand that by medical records and your history how it's an easy conclusion to come to."

I'm stunned silent.

_How dare he?_

"If you want to tell me otherwise, then please do so, Isabella. I'm only here to help you, but you have to be open to that help." He glances down at his watch. "Our time is up for the day, but please, think about what I said and come again next week, same time."

* * *

><p>So, today is my birthday. I'm going to go to work now and maybe a chapter later? Probably not though.<p>

What do you think about this tiny little reveal from Dr. Black about Bella?


	50. Chapter 50

Wow. Chapter 50. I literally just wrote this and posted it, so sorry if there's any spelling/grammar issues. I do look over them before posting!

* * *

><p>I'm in a pissy mood the whole way home.<p>

I want to clear my head and calm down, so instead of taking MUNI back, I walk.

And walk.

It takes me an hour to get home, but I relish in the stomping of my feet on the sidewalk then up the steps of my building to my apartment.

I stop dead in my tracks though because...Edward is sitting on the floor in front of my door.

My heart jumps to my throat when he stands up and smiles at me.

"What are you doing here?" I ask. I'm in no mood for more arguments or confusion. I just want to go inside and lay in bed and cry.

His smile falters. "I came back to see you."

I should know better.

I shouldn't let him in.

Into my heart or my home.

But I think it's too late.

The inexplicable things he makes me feel, that I've never felt before surely have the power to break me or build me.

"Okay. Come in."

"I want to apologize," he tells me once he's settled down in a chair. "I keep running hot and cold with you, I know. I'm fucking with your head."

I snort out a laugh. "My heads already fucked up, Edward."

"See? You keep saying that. I'm not good for you. I should leave you alone but I just have this...this pull to you. This draw. I want to pull you closer and push you away. Tell me to stay away from you."

I shake my head. "I can't. No, I won't."

"Tell me what happened to you. Tell me why you are so sad."

"I can't. Not yet. Tell me about Kate," I counter.

"Not now," Edward shakes his head. "I guess we're at an impasse, then."

"I guess so," I rock back and forth on my heels. "So what now?"

"I don't know."

* * *

><p>Hi guys! Thanks for all the happy birthday wishes. You guys are awesome. Hopefully I'll be back on a regular, twice a day posting schedule.<p>

Are we glad to see Edward back?


	51. Chapter 51

"Are you going to hang out here for a while, then?" I ask Edward.

He shrugs. "I guess. If you want. You don't want to go get some food? My treat."

"No," I shake my head. "I'm not really hungry right now."

My stomach gives away my lie though by grumbling.

"I mean, I don't feel like going out. I've had a bad day. I just want to stay in."

"Oh. Okay. I can go if you want," Edward says, gesturing to the door.

"No, stay. I have mac n cheese we can make."

His face breaks out into a wide smile. "Sounds perfect."

We spend the next half hour eating and not talking.

As tense and awkward as things are between us, there's this inexplicable sense of...rightness.

After we finish eating, we sit on my bed side by side. I read a book and he works on a crossword.

I must have fallen asleep, because sometime later I'm nudged awake by Edward.

"Hey, it's getting late. I should go. I have work in the morning." His voice is a hushed whisper that causes chills down to my toes.

"Oh, okay." I move to get up to walk him to the door, but his hand on my shoulder stops me.

"Go back to sleep," he tells me. "I'll make sure to lock you up."

He leans down and shocks the hell out of me by leaving a lingering kiss on my forehead.

"I'll call you tomorrow."

* * *

><p>So, I kind of broke the backspace key on my laptop. I have 2 more chapters prewritten and ready to post, but after that I'll have to write, of course.<p>

Not sure how that's going to go since I have to order a new key. After tomorrow mornings chapter, the updates might not come twice a day. I suck.

What did you guys think about Edward spending time at Bella's?


	52. Chapter 52

Edward did call the next day.

Over the next two weeks, we fell into a routine.

It was never discussed. It just happened.

I found myself expecting to see him in my apartment when I came home from work.

I hadn't yet given him a key, but he learned pretty quickly that I was careless with locking my door.

We didn't talk much when we were together, but it was nice to have someone else around.

Besides Snickers, of course.

I'm walking home from the bus stop one night after work. My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out, expecting it to be Edward wondering where I am.

Usually I'm always back by six-thirty, but today I stopped by the market to pick up some things for dinner.

It's not Edward, though. It's Paul.

_Hey, what r u doing? -Paul_

I read the message and delete it just as fast.

I don't get why he's starting to contact me again.

After the first few times of texting and calling me back a month or so ago, he disappeared.

Now, in the past few days he's starting up again.

I'm trying to be strong.

But with Paul, things just...were. There were no expectations or promises to be kept or broken.

It was sex and it was good. It was simple.

Complete opposite of how things are with Edward.

But there's something different with Edward.

Something exciting and new and hopefully better.

Even if we only ever were friends.


	53. Chapter 53

The thing about having Edward over every night was that I hadn't seen Rosalie since the day she showed up at my place.

We had talked on the phone a few times, but I always had an excuse as to why I couldn't meet her for lunch or dinner.

Just like how I hadn't gone back to Dr. Black because I wasn't ready to face my past, I wasn't ready to face the onslaught of questions Rosalie would no doubt have.

I now have no choice but to face it, because Rosalie just called me and said she was going to be at the bakery in ten minutes.

By the time I wash my hands and get all the flour off my clothes, Rose is already sitting in the shop, eating a muffin.

"So, I'm surprised you didn't make up an excuse today," Rose comments as I sit down across from her.

"No...I'm sorry I haven't really been feeling up to hanging out, I guess." Okay, it's a lie. I just wanted to avoid all awkward possible questions. "What's new with you?"  
>"Not much," she shrugs. "Work, mostly. I'm also dating this new guy."<p>

"Oh, really?" I ask.

"Yeah," she shrugs, looking uninterested. "He's a pretty nice guy. I guess I don't want to jinx it yet, you know?"

I really don't, but nod in understanding anyway. I've never cared enough about someone before.

"So, what's going on with you and Edward? I wasn't aware you guys were...close."

I blush. "Nothing really. I mean, I guess we're friends? Acquaintances? I don't know. We've been spending time together."

"Really?" Rosalie asked, looking surprised. "Edward doesn't _do_ friends. But he does do women. Are you embarrassed? Is what it really is? I couldn't fault you for that."

"No, no no no no," I insist. "Nothing like that."

Although the thought of doing _that_ with _Edward _sounds very appealing.

I blush harder.

"You totally want to though," Rose says with a sly smile.

"We're just friends. If that."

* * *

><p>Is Bella a little bit in denial?<p>

Tropical Sorbet was nice enough to write me a o/s for my birthday and it just posted last night. It's called PLUCKED. Intrigued? Just add this to the end of the websites address. Or look it up on her profile. /s/7770510/1/

It's really funny and a good read. I love farm girl and city boy. I think you guys will too.


	54. Chapter 54

"Well, what do you guys do? I mean, what do you guys even talk about?" Rose asks.

I shrug. "We don't really talk. We just hang out. Do our own thing. Sometimes he brings over work with him to get done, or his laptop."

"Weird," Rose shakes her head.

"It is weird," I agree.

"Just be careful around him, okay? I don't want either of you guys to get hurt."

"Don't worry. I won't hurt him. I don't think I could," I added honestly.

Rosalie smiled sadly and looked down. "It's not really him I'm worried about."

After Rose leaves, I try to shake off our conversation.

It hits too close to home.

Whether I've wanted to or not, I've let Edward in more than I ever intended to.

I'm terrified of getting hurt.

The next few weeks are the same, but...I've started going to therapy.

Edward doesn't know, though because I've been taking a short day at work and I'm home by the time I normally would be.

Our sessions aren't getting any better, but it's a start.

sometimes I answer his questions.

He's yet to address the issue from the first time, but each time I go I spend an hour waiting for it.

For the most part, everything is okay.

I start to wonder if maybe I will be too.

* * *

><p>See you tomorrow.<p> 


	55. Chapter 55

A few days later, Edward is back at my place after work.

I can tell he's been stressed out about it, even if he doesn't outright say it.

The way he tugs at his hair and sighs and huffs tells me.

When he leaves that night, he lingers at the door a little longer than normal.

"So...I won't be able to come by tomorrow night. I have things I need to take care of," he tells me.

"Oh." I don't know what else to say. I'm surprised. It's the first time we've ever really addressed this arrangement. It feels weird. "Okay. That's fine."

"Yeah, so I'll see you around."

"Bye."

He's already out the door.

I decide that it doesn't matter that he's not coming over. I usually have therapy anyway on Thursdays. It'll be nice to maybe stop by the bookstore on the way home.

Therapy is taxing.

While I'm not ready to talk about my mom getting sick or the events afterward, it's nice to talk about her while she was alive.

She was always so full of life.

Somehow, when I leave I feel just a little bit better. It's different talking to Dr. Black about her. With my dad or Phil, the conversation always turned sad.

It was nice to just focus on the good times with her.

After the session, I stop by the buildings restroom to wipe off all the dried tears and try to get the redness of my nose to go down.

I decide to skip the bookstore for the day. I'm too emotionally drained picking up dinner and going home to eat it in bed sounds way better.

I get off the bus a few stops from my house and pick up a sandwich and soup.

As I'm walking back to my place, I just happen to look across the street where there is a row of restaurants.

Edward is standing outside of a little Italian restaurant.

I stop walking and debate going over to say hi.

I already start to cross the street when Edwards head snaps into the opposite direction he was looking.

I follow his gaze to a woman with long blonde hair and short little dress and high heels on.

I watch as his face breaks out into a wide smile and he walks the rest of the way to her.

I stare as he embraces her in what could only been seen as an intimate way and turns his face to kiss her cheek.

I feel sick.

I don't watch anymore and take a few steps back before heading back to my place.

* * *

><p>This is the last pre-written chapter I have. Not sure if there will be another one up later tonight. It really is no fun having no backspace key!<p>

So...who's the girl?


	56. Chapter 56

When I get home I don't know what to do.

I try to eat, I can't.

I try to not think, I can't.

The way he smiled at that girl made me sick to think about.

Edward won't even be seen with me in public, but I can't find it in myself to blame him.

I stand up and go over to my floor length mirror.

I'm short and probably too skinny.

Dark circles under my eyes.

Pale skin.

I just look...sad.

Compared to the woman I saw him with today with her nice clothes and hair, I really can't blame him.

I'm not going to dwell on it though.

I need a distraction.

I know the perfect one.

I pull out my phone and text the one person who can make everything stop for a while.

* * *

><p>dun dun duun.<p>

See you guys tomorrow!


	57. Chapter 57

I guess I'm feeling a little generous.

* * *

><p>It's dark and cold as I walk to Paul's.<p>

I wonder if Edwards still with that girl and if he has his arm around her, protecting her from the chill in her tiny dress.

I wrap my arms tighter around myself and keep walking.

I think back to my phone call with Paul.

A few minutes after I had texted him, he had called me.

I wasn't prepared for it, but after a few brief words, he asked me to meet him at his place.

I had a million questions in my mind.

Why was Paul trying to get in contact with me the past few months? He knew where I worked, so if had something important to say, he would stop by there.

It was across from the bar he frequented anyway.

I wondered if he was still with his girlfriend, Emily, or if they had broken up.

By the time I reach his building, I convince myself that there will be no sex.

I convince myself that I'm strong enough to resist.

That I'm just going over there for a drink and the distraction.

I just hope I'm right.

* * *

><p>Okay...Now I'll see you guys tomorrow!<p> 


	58. Chapter 58

Paul looks good.

Tan skin, dark hair, dark eyes.

He's on the couch, I'm on the armchair besides him.

Third drink in, I end up next to him.

By the time I'm done with my fourth or maybe fifth drink, I'm on his lap. His hand is just underneath my shirt.

Alcohols clouding my mind so I don't hesitate to answer 'yes' when he asks me if I want to move to the bedroom.

He stands up, almost knocking me off his lap but I quickly get back my balance and follow him to his bedroom.

Paul starts out under me then he's over me, on top of me and his hands are reaching higher and higher under my shirt.

I want this.

Then, in a moment of clarity, I don't.

"No. No no no no no." I pull at Paul's hands, trying to get them off of my skin.

Suddenly it feels so wrong.

He keeps trying to kiss my neck but I arch away from him and push at him until he gets the message and stands up.

"What the fuck, Bella?" He's pissed.

"I'm sorry. This was just...this is wrong. I can't do this." I'm frantic. "I have to go."

"Leave, then. I don't give a fuck." His words are harsh and cold and when I look into his eyes, I can see he means them.

As I run out, I see the pictures he has out that he never used to have before of him and a girl.

Emily.

Out on the street I realize how late and cold it is and how drunk I am.

I have no cab money.

The bus has stopped running.

Everything is spinning and I'm not sure I'd be able to get back.

I feel bad but call Rosalie. Her phones off, she's probably sleeping.

I'm about to walk home, but a group of men stumbling down the opposite side of the street stops me.

They spot me and start yelling disgusting things at me and begin to cross the street.

I run a block and then sit down on someones stoop.

I take my phone back out of my pocket and call the only other person I can think of.

Edward.

* * *

><p>That wasn't too bad, right?<p>

Is Edward going to answer his phone and save her?


	59. Chapter 59

Edwards phone rings and rings and rings but he doesn't pick up.

I'm about to disconnect the call when the ringing stops.

"Hello?" Edward's voice is thick and heavy with sleep.

I feel guilty.

"Hello?" He repeats. "Bella?"

"Edward," I breathe out. I swallow thickly. I don't want him to hear me cry.

"What are you doing? It's after midnight. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," I say, sounding unsure. "Actually, no. I'm really sorry but could you come get me? Rosalie didn't answer her phone and I have no one else to call."

"Where are you?" He asks. He sounds more alert now.

"I'm uh...I'm in the Western Addition." I look around to see the address I'm at.

"Shit, Bella. What are you doing there?" He asks once I give him the address.

"I was just visiting a friend."

"Okay, well. Stay where you are. I'll be there soon. If anything happens, call me, got it?" He asks, his tone is authoritative.

After we hang up, I pull my knees up to my chest and wrap my arms around them, phone still in hand.

I'm tired, so I rest my head on my knees.

I stay like that until I'm jolted out of my semi-conscious, drunken state by a car door slamming shut.

"Bella? Are you alright?" Edward jogs around his car and over to me.

I lift my head up. "Yeah."

"Come on," he motions to his car. "It's freezing out here."

I try to stand up but stumble and fall to my knees.

"Oops," I let out a little giggle.

"Jesus, Bella. Are you drunk?" Edward asks, helping me to my feet.

"Just a little, I think."

"Right. Just a little. Come on, just get in the car."

* * *

><p>Edward came! But...he seems pretty grumpy, doesn't he?<p>

Mostly useless info: This story takes place in San Francisco, which is broken down into neighborhoods. I imagine Edward living in Potrero Hill, Carlisle and Esme live in Russian Hill, Paul in Western Addition/Lower Pacific Heights and Bella in the Haight-Ashbury. Realistically though, the Haight is pretty expensive, so I'm going with a little artistic license with that one. If you're familiar with SF this probably makes more sense to you, but you can also look up the neighborhood map on google.

See you tomorrow!


	60. Chapter 60

Once I'm in the car, Edward reminds me to buckle up.

"So, are you going to tell me why you needed me to pick you up this late?"

The car is silent, no radio and Edward is staring straight ahead as he drives.

"I was with a friend."

Edward snorts. "Right. A friend that gets you, a minor, drunk and then leaves them to find their own way home? Great friend."

"It's not his fault. We...we got into an argument. He told me to leave," I say, looking down at my lap.

"He?" Edward asks. Do you have a boyfriend?"

Now it's my turn to snort. "No. Not at all."

"Why did you fight? Did something happen?" Edward asks. He's still looking straight ahead and his tone of voice gives nothing away.

I shake my head. "I don't want to talk about it."

I see Edward looking at me out of the corner of my eye.

"He didn't try anything...did he? He didn't force you to do anything you didn't want?"

"No! Why would you even think that?"

Edward looks straight ahead again. "What am I supposed to think, Bella? You call me in the middle of the night and ask me to pick you up. You're drunk and upset."

I open my mouth to reply, but quickly shut it. I'm going to be sick.

"Pull over, pull over!" I yell frantically.

"What? Why? We're only a few blocks away."

"I'm gonna puke."

Edward doesn't need me to tell him again because he swerves onto the side of the road just in time for me to open the car door and vomit.

* * *

><p>A bit of a fillertransitioning chapter.

See you later!


	61. Chapter 61

Hi! Here's a weekend update to make up for not posting last night.

* * *

><p>"Are you okay?" Edward asks. He turns in his seat and digs around in the backseat, pulling out a bottle of water for me.<p>

"Thanks," I tell him, taking the bottle from him and sitting back.

"Do you need a minute or can we keep driving?" Edward asks. He sounds annoyed.

"Yeah, I think I'm good."

He doesn't reply, instead just starting to drive again.

I stop looking out the window and instead look at Edward.

Every time we drive under a street light, his profile is illuminated.

"So handsome," I slur.

Edward looks over to me, a small smirk on his face.

"Shit," I curse when I realized I said it loudly enough for him to hear.

Once we're back at my place and out of the car, I realize I don't think I'll be able to make it up the three flights of stairs.

I think Edward realizes that as well, because he groans and tells me to hop on his back.

He piggybacks me all the way upstairs.

When we're inside, I make a beeline to the bathroom to brush my teeth and change into comfier clothes.

After I'm done, I go back out to find Edward sitting on the edge of my bed.

Wordlessly, I get in and wrap myself like a burrito in my blankets.

I expect him to say something, but for the longest time he doesn't.

"Well, I guess I should get back, then." His voice startles me.

He moves to get up and I surprise the both of us by reaching out and grabbing his hand.

"Don't go, please?"

Edward turns back to look at me, looking incredulous. "You're kidding, right?"

"No. Please?" I beg.

He sighs deeply and pulls out of my grasp. His expression turns angry.

"What the fuck is this, Bella? What are you doing?"

I'm taken aback by his outburst.

"W-what are you talking about?"

"You know what?" Edward pauses, then shakes his head. "Forget about it. I have to go. Let me know if you're alright in the morning, okay?"

"Okay," I nod my head fervently.

"Okay, goodnight."

Edward turns back around and he's out the door before I can even begin to process what just happened.

* * *

><p>Thanks for all the lovely reviews and faves and alerts!<p>

Why's Edward so angry?


	62. Chapter 62

Teeny little chapter setting up for tomorrow.

* * *

><p>I fall into a drunken, uneasy sleep.<p>

I don't wake until noon.

My head is heavy and my body aches, but it's nothing unmanageable after I take a few Motrin and a glass of orange juice.

After taking a quick shower and eating some toast, I remember Edward yelling at me and telling me to call him the next day.

I check my phone.

No missed calls.

I scroll through my Contacts until I find his name and hold my thumb over the call button.

Right before I'm about to call, I change my mind.

I'm going to go to his work to talk to him.

* * *

><p>Anyone think this might not go so well?<p> 


	63. Chapter 63

I have to look up Edwards work address online, but once I do, I head out and take the bus over there.

When I get to his work, I start to get nervous, but I convince myself it's the best way to handle things.

For once I feel like I'm doing the right thing.

Inside the building, I head over to the desk where his assistant is sitting.

"Hi, is Edward available?" I ask his assistant. She looks up from her phone at me.

"He's with a client right now. Is he expecting you?" she asks, her tone bored.

"No...he's not. I was supposed to call but I thought...well, I was in the area." I cringe internally at my lie. "So...here I am."

"Yes," she says, looking at me snidely. "Here you are."

"So, can you let him know I'm here at least?"

"Normally Edward doesn't like to be interrupted. I'm sure if you just wait here he'll be done eventually."

"Oh..." I trail off, feeling chastened. "I can wait."

She looks back down at her phone and I know I've been dismissed.

Twenty minutes later, his office door opens and Edward exits with a man and woman.

He looks tired, but he smiles at them and shakes their hands before they leave.

He's about to go back in his office when he glances over at me and then does a double take.

"Bella? What are you doing here?"

* * *

><p>Lots of you thought this was a bad idea. Let's hope things go well!<p>

See you later today!


	64. Chapter 64

"Do you have a minute?" I ask, ignoring his question.

"Um, yeah. I do. Why don't you come in my office."

I follow Edward back to his office and sit down in one of the chairs.

"So, what's this about?" he asks, leaning against his desk.

"I wanted to thank you for picking me up last night. I really appreciate it."

"No problem," Edward mutters, not looking at me.

"Okay, what is that?" I ask, getting mad.

"What?" He looks over at me, surprised at my outburst.

"That! You're acting all weird and I don't know why! I mean, why did you chew my head off last night before leaving?"

"Just forget it, okay? I guess I was just tired."

"No, Edward. I want to know what your problem is. Tell me," I demand.

"Are you being serious, Bella? You're running hot and cold with me. I thought..." he trails off. "No. Never mind. Everything is just great."

I stand up. "Don't. Finish what you were going to say. What did you think?"

Edward pinches the bridge of his nose, then looks at me. "I thought that there was something there, between us. But then you go off and get drunk and fuck some guy? I guess I was wrong."

* * *

><p>So...I'm still on a Kristen in Paris shooting for VF high. I'm surprised I even wrote this.<p>

Edwards kind of a confusing guy, yes?

See you tomorrow!


	65. Chapter 65

I'm stunned silent, but when I snap out of it, I'm pissed.

"_You_ thought there was something between us? That's funny. You've been coming over to my place every night for weeks and you won't even talk to me," I fume.

"Me? Oh, that's rich. Sometimes I feel like-"

Edward is interrupted by a quick rapping on the door.

His assistant opens the door enough to stick her head in.

"Edward? You have a client waiting for you. Things are kind of...loud."

"Shit," he mutters. "Thanks, Irina. Tell them I'll just be a moment."

"Bella, you're gonna have to-"

"Leave," I finished for him. "I get it."

"This conversation isn't over yet, though," he says, turning to look at me.

"No," I agree. "It's not."

"Listen, I can leave work in a few hours, how about I come over tonight with food? We can talk then."

"Yeah. That sounds good," I reply. "I'll see you then."

Three hours later I'm nervous.

I feel like this is a turning point in Edward and my relationship.

I just hope we can make things right.

* * *

><p>What does Edward sometimes feel like?<p>

See you later!


	66. Chapter 66

sorry for posting 65 and 66 twice. FFn is really messed up today!

* * *

><p>I try to think about what I'm going to say, how I'm going to say it.<p>

I want to be mad and at him and demand answers.

I want to cry and beg him not to be mad at me.

I don't know what to do.

I don't have much more time to worry over it because a few minutes later, there's a knock at the door.

I don't bother going to it, because I know it's unlocked and he'll just see himself in.

Which he does.

"Hey," Edward greets me, dropping a bag of takeout on my bed. "I brought Chinese."

He takes off his shoes and jacket and sits cross legged on the bed as I open all the cartons up.

In the past, we haven't bothered with plates. We just pass the cartons back and forth.

"So..." Edward says, taking a bite of food. "Are we going to talk now or—"

"Later," I interrupt him. "Can we just eat first?"

"Yeah," he nods. "Let's just eat."

* * *

><p>I literally just got home about 30 minutes ago and wrote this. I wanted to get to the conversation, but it looks like that will happen tomorrow.<p> 


	67. Chapter 67

After eating dinner and avoiding the inevitable, neither of us know how to get the conversation started.

"How about I just say my piece first?" I finally say.

Edward nods.

"I'm not sure how we can keep doing this. When you're here, we never talk. And if we do, it's about nothing. Sometimes I feel like I know you so well, but then when I think about it, I really don't. I don't _know_ you."

"So, what then?" Edward asks, getting defensive. "You just want to stop hanging out? Stop...this?"

"No," I shake my head. "But I want us to talk. Friends talk. Maybe we're not ready to talk to each other about the important things, but...I don't even know your favorite color."

"Blue," he says immediately. "I like the color blue."

"Well," I smile. "That's a start."

"Just so you know, I didn't fuck Paul. That's why we got in a fight. He wanted to, but it didn't seem right," I told him, deciding to go for full disclosure.

"But you have before." Edward doesn't pose it as a question.

"Yeah," I cringe. It's really not any of his business, but I feel like he deserves to know.

"Since we met?" He asks. His tone is so calm and quiet, it scares me.

"No," I tell him. "Not since we met. I haven't even seen him."

"Until last night. And you were going to have sex with him," he says, sounding almost disgusted. He gets up and moves to put on his shoes "Right, well."

"Hey, wait a minute. You have no right to be angry with me! Even if I did have sex with him,... you and I? We're not even dating."

"I told you I thought there could be more between us," he says, slipping on his shoes.

"Yeah, a little late. Last thing you ever said about us is that we could only be friends. You changed your mind but didn't bother telling me."

"I thought that was obvious!" He yells. "I've been coming over every single night to spend time with you. Doesn't that say anything to you?"

"Yeah," I yell back ignoring his question. The next words are out of my mouth before I even realize it. "You come over every night but the one night you don't? You go and spend it with some other woman."

* * *

><p>Oops, silly Bella.<p>

How do you think the talk is going so far?

Also, last chance to get your guesses in as to who the mystery blond is!


	68. Chapter 68

Edwards head snaps around and he stares at me. "What?"

Yeah, he's definitely acting busted.

"I saw you in front of that Italian restaurant. I was going to say hi to you and then you saw that blond woman. I saw you hug her and kiss her and then I left."

Edward doesn't offer any explanation, so I continue.

"You looked so happy to see her. It killed me to see you look at her like that and smile at her like that. We never talk and if we do talk, it ends up like this, yelling."

"Fuck," Edward mutters, grabbing at his hair. "Fuck. Fuck. Fuck."

"What?"

"That...what you saw? That wasn't anything. It's not what you think it looked like, at least," Edward tells me, sitting back down.

"Really? Then what was it?" I ask.

"I mean, you weren't even supposed to find out about that. No one was. I can just imagine what would happen if Rosalie or worse, my parents found out about it."

He turns to look at me again, looking worried. "You won't tell Rosalie, right? It's going to stay between us."

"No! I'm not making any promises to you until you tell me what the hell is going on!"

"You wanna know what's going on? I went to go meet Kate."

* * *

><p>Thoughts? Were you expecting that revelation?<p>

See you guys tomorrow!


	69. Chapter 69

I feel like I've been punched in the gut.

"Kate? As in, your ex Kate that supposedly fucked you over or whatever?"

Edward sighed. "One in the same."

"This is fucked up. Why the hell are you meeting your ex anyway?"

"I could ask you the same thing," he huffed.

"You're such an asshole. Paul has been contacting me for weeks and it wasn't until I saw you kissing Kate that I called him back."

"No, fuck that. I didn't kiss Kate. It was a greeting. Don't make it look like something it wasn't and twist this to make it look like it's my fault for you going over to Paul's."

My chest is heaving and I'm fuming.

I don't reply to him right away as I try to calm myself down.

"Then tell me what I did see, Edward. And tell me why you're hiding it from your family."

* * *

><p>See you next time!<p> 


	70. Chapter 70

"Kate wanted to meet with me, to talk."

"Are you guys getting back together?" I ask, afraid of the answer.

"Hah. If Kate had her way, yes."

"Oh."

"Bella," Edward said, softer this time, "You don't have to worry about me getting back with Kate. It's over between us. It's been over for two years. I just wasn't ready to let go yet and she knew that and used it to her advantage."

"I see. Are you going to tell me what happened between you guys?"

"That's a long story. I don't want to get into it tonight." His tone is so final that I don't bother trying to convince him otherwise.

"Okay. Another time."

"Yeah," he sighs. "So, I told her that I didn't want her to call or email me or anything. I want to move on. I've spent the last two years trying to figure out what went wrong. I'm done."

I feel minutely better, but I'm still hung up on what I saw. "But the way you greeted her...you were so happy to see her."

"I was...I was happy to see her so that I could end it for good. Also, I guess..." he trails off, so I fill in the blank.

"You're still in love with her." It's not a question.

"No! No, Bella. I don't think I ever truly loved her. I loved what we had. But what she did to me...I don't think I would ever get back with her."

"Okay," I say dumbly. I don't even know where to begin to reply to him.

"I don't want this to get to Rose or my parents because it'll make them worry. They never really liked Kate. Well, her and Rose were friendly at one point...but if they knew that we still had kept in contact since the breakup, they'd be disappointed. I'm handling it on my own."

"Okay. I won't tell them."

* * *

><p>This chapter was kinda hard for me to write and get right. I hope you guys liked it. Please review and let me know what you think!<p> 


	71. Chapter 71

"But you have to tell me your relationship with her. I deserve to know, if you do want to pursue this...thing with me."

"The whole story?" Edward asks.

"The whole story," I confirm.

"Kate and I first met in Junior year of college. We clicked, instantly," Edward sighed. "It wasn't long until we were dating."

A heavy feeling settles in the pit of my stomach but I nod, encouraging him to continue.

"It took me four years to convince her to move in with me. She insisted that she was still young and wanted her independence and to settle herself into her career as a fashion blogger. When she finally agreed to move in with me, I was ecstatic. I was happy with my job and I wanted to settle down, but Kate kept saying she wasn't ready to get married yet, but that someday she would be.

Everything was perfect, even if we weren't engaged. We were living together, we had a good group of friends, we had fun together. I had no doubt that she was it for me."

Everything with her is so opposite the way it is with me. I gulp and exhale a shaky breath. Is it possible to actually feel your heart splinter and crack?

"After we lived together for over a year, I wanted to propose. We had talked about marriage a bit, not a lot, but I thought that if I asked her to marry me she would say yes." He sighs, then continues. "So, I bought the ring and planned a nice dinner where I would propose."

Edwards quiet for a minute and looks lost in thought.

"Did you? Propose, I mean?" I interrupt his daydreaming.

"No. I never got the chance. It seems while I was planning to propose, she was already checked out of the relationship."

* * *

><p>This was originally one looong chapter. But I split it in two cause it kinda seemed like an information overload.<p>

Review and let me know what you think!

See you guys later!


	72. Chapter 72

"Oh. I'm sorry," I tell him, unsure of what to say.

"I got home after work a few days later and all her stuff is in boxes by the door. She told me that she couldn't do this anymore. She never really loved me and she wanted out. Just like that, six years of a relationship went down the drain."

"Was that the only reasoning she gave you?" I ask.

"Oh, no. She told me that she thought she could make things work with me, but then she met some guy from work, Garrett, and she realized she could feel more for someone else."

"Did she cheat?"

"Yes...no. I don't know. I would say yes, though, because her and Garrett aren't together anymore. He caught her cheating."

"Wow."

"Yeah," Edward lets out a humorless laugh. "Kate's just...toxic. And I never even saw it coming. Never thought things were any less than great between us."

"You were in love," I cringe as I say it. "It blinded you."

"Yeah. I guess. After the break up, I was alone. It turns out that all our friends were really her friends and in order to not run into her or them, I had to stop hanging out where we all used to."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to keep saying sorry, you know. There's nothing you could have done," Edward points out.

"I know. It's just...a really sucky situation to be in."

"Sucky," Edward laughs. "Very appropriate word for the situation."

"When you said that you weren't ready to let go and she knew that...what did you mean?"

"She would call me if she needed some extra cash, saying she was about to get evicted, or when she was lonely and wanted me to come over..."

I don't ask Edward to explain that. I know what he means.

"It's over now though. For good. I feel...free. Lighter, I guess? It all sounds so cliche."

"No," I disagree. "I get it."

I just wish I could feel that way.

"Bella, I know today has been...rough. But I really do feel something for you, I'd like to explore it. See what it is. I'm hoping you feel the same way."

* * *

><p>Hope you guys enjoyed this.<p>

How do you feel about Edwards revelations?


	73. Chapter 73

I say nothing.

I don't know what to say.

It's all so much to take in.

He wants to possibly...be with me?

Nothing makes sense.

"Bella? You're killing me, here. Say something," Edward pleads.

"I don't know what to say. I just..I'm sorry you had to go through that."

I take a deep breath for what I'm about to say next. I don't think Edward will like it.

"I need time, Edward. What you told me is a lot to think about."

Edward looks sadly down at me. "You're kicking me out."

"No," I shake my head. "I'm asking you to respect my wishes and give me time. I'm not running away."  
>"Okay," Edward nods his head.<p>

"Up until today, I never had any idea that you would ever want me that way. I've spent months reminding myself of that fact."

I drop my head in my hands and rub my face. "I don't know if I can do more, Edward. Yes, I like you but my head is so fucked up. It wouldn't be fair to you to make any sort of decision before you know my history. Who knows? You'll probably end up running screaming."

"I doubt that, but if you need time, I can give you time." Edward sighs and walks over to the door, opening it. "You'll call me when you're ready, right?"

He looks so unsure, I have to stop from telling him that I don't need time after all.

"Yeah. I'll call."

* * *

><p>I usually don't update weekends, but I'm posting this now cause I don't think I'll be able to post tomorrow. I'm also going back and making notesoutlining the first 73 chapters. I don't feel like I can write more until I sort out all the bits and pieces that have happened up to this point.

In the meantime...go read HELLO KITTY fanfiction . net/s/7809438/1/ It was written for me and is so, so funny. I couldn't stop laughing the entire time I was reading it. She's also a first time fic writer, so go leave her some love?

See you guys later!


	74. Chapter 74

Two days later, Rosalie shows up at the bakery.

It's near the end of my shift so I'm pretty much done with work and have a chance to sit down with her.

"Okay, what's up with you and Edward? I was at his parents last night for dinner and Edward was moody the whole time," Rose asks, picking at a cupcake.

"It's...complicated," I tell her.

"And?" She prods.

"He told me about Kate."

Rose's reaction is comical. She stops mid bite and stares at me, eyes wide.

"He told you about Kate? The whole story?" She clarifies.

I shrug. "I guess the whole story. I hope there's no more," I add, feeling a sinking feeling in my stomach. Could I handle more?"

"Bella, Edward hasn't even told his own family the whole story. All we know is what we've seen. The fact that he voluntarily told you about it says a great deal," she reassures me.

I look down. "He didn't exactly voluntarily tell me. It's just...I saw him with her."

"WHAT?" Rose exclaims, startling one of the customers who is sitting across the store from us. "I mean, what? You saw them together?"

I nod, then give Rosalie a little run down of what happened, including how he picked me up from Paul's.

"So, wait a minute. Paul is what? A friend? Boyfriend?"

My face heats up. "He is...just some guy. We weren't even really friends, just..."

"Sex?" she fills in for me. When I nod, a huge smile breaks out on her face. "Wow. I didn't expect that. Didn't know you had it in you, to be honest."

Internally, I roll my eyes. If only she knew.

"I guess there's a lot you don't know about me," I shrug.

* * *

><p>So...I'm back! It was an unexpected but needed little break from this story. But now we're back to regular twice a day posting schedule.<p>

Leave a review letting me know what you think and see you guys later!


	75. Chapter 75

It takes me one day to think things over.

Three to work up the courage to call Edward.

I feel bad for keeping him waiting, but I'm scared.

I know that once I agree to try this...relationship with him, I have to be honest.

I have to tell him what happened to me.

What I did to myself.

Edward is happy to hear from me.

He tells me so when I call him and asks if I can come over to his place after work.

I haven't been to his apartment townhouse since that first day I came over with pie and met Rosalie.

The idea of meeting at his place is somewhat comforting.

If things ends badly when I tell him, I can make a quick escape, versus trying to kick him out of my apartment.

When I get to Edward's, I'm nervous but feeling okay.

That is until he opens the door.

"Bella, what the fuck? You told Rosalie?"

* * *

><p>I don't think Edward is too happy anymore, is he?<p> 


	76. Chapter 76

Shit.

"I'm sorry. It didn't...I didn't even think twice when I told Rosalie. She's my friend. I wasn't thinking," I babble and stumble over my words.

"Obviously, Bella," Edward seethes. He turns around starts to walk away from me, into his living room.

"Edward, please," I beg, following him. "It was a mistake. I've just been so overwhelmed. I can, I can talk to Rose and tell her to not tell your parents."

"Too late," Edward sighs, sitting down on the couch. He grabs a bottle of beer off of the coffee table and takes a swig of it. "I've already talked to Rosalie."

"And?"

"And, after much bargaining, she's promised not to tell my mom," he says.

I sit down beside him. "You really don't think she will?"

"Rosalie doesn't break her promise. It's one of the only good things about her," Edward shakes his head and takes another sip of beer.

My face must be a mask of guilt, because his expression softens when he turns to look at me.

"People make mistakes, Bella. I just need to be able to trust you."

* * *

><p>Thanks for all your lovely reviews. I'll see you later today.<p> 


	77. Chapter 77

Edwards words make me feel worse.

He doesn't think he can trust me.

I know that I haven't exactly showed him that I'm trustworthy, but since high school, I haven't had any friends. In a way, this is all new to me. In high school, my friendships had been all just superficial. That became very clear once my mom died and suddenly I was left friendless.

I'm bound to mess it up and I already have.

"Edward...I want to tell you what happened. Everything," I look down at my lap.

"Everything?" Edward asks.

I nod my head.

He's silent then, his eyes studying my face. Then he sighs.

"If it's too hard now, you don't have to."

"No," I shake my head. "I mean, it's hard. But I want to tell you. I just hope you won't run kicking and screaming in the opposite direction."

My attempt at a job falls flat.

"So, I guess i'll just start at the beginning."

* * *

><p>So, I admit I was a bit bummed at a kinda mean review I received. But all the other positive ones have canceled that one out.<p>

You guys are awesome.

Are you guys excited to find out what happened to Bella? Any final ideas?

See you tomorrow.


	78. Chapter 78

"After my mom died, I kind of just...withdrew. My friends from school stopped talking to me after a few weeks. They couldn't relate to me anymore. I started hearing back from colleges but...I declined all of them. Charlie, my dad, wasn't happy. Neither was Phil."

I sighed, remembering how excited I had been filling out the applications, thinking about my future.

"I had worked at a supermarket in Forks since I was sixteen. I had money saved up, plus I had money that my mom had left for me. A couple days after graduation I packed a couple suitcases and came here on a bus. I wanted to get out of Washington and have a fresh start. I found my apartment first and my landlady helped me get the job at the bakery."

Edward nodded, urging me to continue.

"For a while, I thought I was doing okay. I thought everything was okay and I was coping and moving forward," I laugh sadly at my naivety.

"Things just kept getting worse and worse and worse until I couldn't take it anymore."

* * *

><p>See you later!<p> 


	79. Chapter 79

"I couldn't sleep. All I wanted to do was sleep. I had alcohol and and a bottle of pills left over from an injury I had. I just wanted to sleep. I took too many. Then...it's so stupid. But I had a razor and I just wanted to feel a different type of pain. I couldn't handle the emotional pain any longer."

The memory is hazy in my mind. Most of what I know only comes from what I was told when I woke up in the hospital.

"I guess...I'm not sure what happened, but I called 911. I woke up the next evening in the hospital. The doctors said that they had to pump my stomach. My dad and my step-dad both flew out to see me. They put me in a treatment place, Bridges. I stayed there for a month and now...here I am."

"Bella...you tried to..to kill yourself?" Edwards voice is hoarse.

I whip my head around to glare at him. "I didn't try to kill myself. Don't, just don't even go there. It's bad enough that my dad and Phil and all the doctors I've seen don't believe me. Not you too."

"Okay, Okay," he holds his hands up in the air in surrender. "I believe you. I just hate to know that you went through that. I don't like thinking of you like that."

* * *

><p>I guess this is last nightthis mornings update. FFn wasn't working and I couldn't log in.

Do you think Bella is in denial about a suicide attempt?


	80. Chapter 80

We're quiet for a few minutes. I can see Edward trying to process what I've said.

"What was treatment like?" he asks. "Did it help?"

"It was...okay. I couldn't wait to get out though." I pause, thinking about his second question. "I'm not sure if it helped. I'm not sure if I let it help."

As I say it, I realize that's probably the first time I've admitted it to myself.

"I'm back in therapy now, though. Dr. Black. He was my therapist at the treatment place."

"That's really good, Bella."

I shrug. "It's a start."

"Does Rosalie know all this?"

"No," I shake my head. I'm about to tell him to please not tell her, but I realize how hypocritical that would be of me.

"Don't worry, Bella. I won't tell her."

* * *

><p>Okay. I hadn't been home for the past few days, but now that I'm back updates will for sure be twice a day. See you later!<p> 


	81. Chapter 81

I know Edward is telling the truth. He won't tell Rosalie.

"You and uh...that guy..." he trails off.

"Paul," I automatically supply.

"Yeah," Edward frowns. "Him. Things are, they're over between you guys, right?"

I nod. "Definitely. Things were never really really...on between us. It was just..."

"Sex." His frown deepens.

"Yeah," I sigh. "Look, I'm not exactly proud of what I did, but it is what it is. It's over."

He nods. "I understand. But, enough of this tonight. Let's just hang out now, okay?"

"Sounds good," I smile. It sounds great.

"But first, I just need to try one thing." Edwards face grows serious and focused. He leans forward and that's when I know he's going to kiss me.

_ohmygod_

I lick my lips in anticipation and part them slightly as he closes the distance between us and presses his lips against mine.

The kiss feels so different from the first.

He's kissing me with purpose and passion and I kiss him back with equal determination.

And it's so, so good.

* * *

><p>FFn has been all weird tonight. Sorry for not posting earlier. But what I did post earlier was a short little fic for Tropical Sorbet's birthday (which is today, the 24th.) It's called My Perfect Match. It was going to be a os, but now it's going to be 2 or 3 chapters. I also made a banner for it which you can see on my blog. (link on profile)

But Downward and Bella finally for real kissed! That's a step in the right direction, yes?


	82. Chapter 82

I want more.

I need more.

In a flash I've pushed him backward against the couch and I'm on top of him, straddling him, kissing him hard.

Edwards hands go to my waist and his fingers grip me tightly. I groan into his mouth.

Then he pushes me away from him then over so I'm beside him.

"Bella," Edwards voice is strained.

Embarrassment sets in.

He kissed me and I threw myself at him.

"God, I'm sorry," I groan, throwing my hands over my face.

"Don't be," he chuckles. "I want you too. I just..I don't want to fuck this up. I don't want it to be just about sex."

He's right. I know he is. But I hate it.

I have no clue what I'm doing. I know sex, but I've never had a real boyfriend before.

When I lost my virginity it was to a guy I knew from school. He had been nice enough, but my first time wasn't memorable. We had both been virgins and only had sex that one time.

There had been no one I was even interested in since my moms death.

Not even really Paul.

Until Edward.

"So...we're taking this slow?" I ask.

Edward nods. "Slow. Do you want to do something...safer? We could go out? Maybe a movie. Or we could just stay here. But I could understand if you're too emotionally drained or whatever."

I think about it. "I am hungry, maybe we could go out and get something to eat?"

"Yeah, that sounds good."

Twenty minutes later we're at Mel's Drive-In. We're both pretty hungry and order burgers and fries.

After we eat, we're stuffed and decide to go on a short walk.

Edwards pinky brushes against mine a few times as we walk. It surprises me when his hand grabs mine. I look up at him to see that he's still staring straight ahead, acting like nothing happened.

But then he squeezes my hand ever so slightly, reassuringly.

I look down and smile.

Edward wants to be seen in public with me and hold my hand.

It's a little thing, but to me it's big.

* * *

><p>Sorry for posting late. I got distracted first by new pics of Kristen and then Transcendence.<p>

Seems like maybe Paul messed with Bella's head a little more than she thinks?


	83. Chapter 83

Time passes.

Edward is...great.

Things between us are rocky, but we're getting there.

In the month that has passed, we haven't had sex, or anything debatable as sex.

I think I'm going crazy and I don't know how Edward isn't as well.

We still have our routine, but now we witch back and forth between houses.

Sometimes we have sleepovers.

It starts to feel like this is how things have always been.

There's been no Paul. No Kate.

Just us and work and me with Rosalie and Edward with Emmett.

Rose is dating a new guy, again. His name is Jared. She says she can see things getting serious between them.

It's good for her, I think. When Emmett brought his new girlfriend, Angela to dinner last week, Edward said that Rosalie was quiet and reserved.

Therapy is going good. As good as I expected. Maybe better.

I still don't remember to take the lexapro all the time, but Edward gets on my case about it.

He looks out for me.

I just hope that everything stays this way.


	84. Chapter 84

Was going to post this yesterday but ffn wasn't emailing alerts. I hope it's working now!

* * *

><p>I'm at work, with my back facing the front door, but I can feel someone standing there, waiting.<p>

"Sorry for the wait, what can I do for you?" I ask, turning around.

My voice falters though when I look up to see Kate.

Although it doesn't look like the Kate I saw with Edward.

Her blonde hair is dull and stringy.

Her clothes are wrinkled.

"Can we talk?" she asks, already turning around to go sit down.

I look around for Mrs. Newton to save me, but she's still in the back office.

Hesitantly, I go to sit down across from her.

"How did you find out where I worked?" I ask.

"It doesn't matter," she replies, looking nervously out the window.

"Okay...then what did you want?" I'm scared of what she'll say. What happened to her between the first time I saw her and now?

She turns back to look at me, all nervousness gone. "Stay away from Edward."

"W-what?"

"Stay. Away. From. Edward. Please," her last word comes out as a plead.

"Why?"

"Edward is mine. I love him. I know I didn't show him the right way, but I do. I need him."

My mind is reeling. I have no idea what to say. Edward told me that she wanted him back, but he wouldn't get back together with her.

But if he saw her now, would he reconsider?

"You shouldn't be talking to me about this. Talk to Edward."

"I'm talking to you now, though. Edward and I are great together. I'm asking you nicely now to back off."

Just then, Mrs. Newton walks into the room, interrupting the tense stand-off.

"Everything okay, Bella?" she asks. "I need you to bring out the cupcakes."

"Oh, I'm sorry!" Kate suddenly says, standing up. "It was nice seeing you, Bella. Take care."

She then leans down and hugs me.

"Bye, Bella!"

I watch, stunned, as she leaves the shop.

"You okay? You're looking a little pale."

"Yeah," I stand up. "I'm fine."

* * *

><p>Sorry for being so fail with the updating. I'm working on chapter 25 of WCN and it's hard to go back and forth. But I'm just a couple chapters away from wrapping that fic up. Another thing is since WCN is almost done, is to continue My Perfect Match into a full length fic. If you're reading that one, let me know what you think.<p>

Also, do you think Bella is going to tell Edward about this?


	85. Chapter 85

I'm so shaken and confuse by Kates confrontation that Mrs. Newton notices and tells me to go home early.

I debate about not telling Edward.

Letting things play out and see how it goes.

I'm scared that he'll see he made a mistake and get back with her.

Edward comes over to my place a little after six.

He can tell something is wrong, but waits until after we've eaten and relaxed a little while before asking me about it.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" he asks. "Or are you just going to keep making me wait?"

He says it with a small smile, but I can tell he's annoyed.

"I saw Kate today."

Whatever Edward was expecting me to say, it wasn't that.

"What do you mean, you saw Kate?"

I cringe at his tone of voice. "Well, I didn't see her so much as she came to my work."

"Fuck," he mutters.

"Pretty much."

"What did she want? Tell me what she said to you."

"She looked...sick. Unwell. She...she told me to stay away from you. That you and her were meant to be. She actually begged me, almost. Said that she was asking me nicely to back off."

"Jesus, she threatened you?" he asks, running a hand over his face.

"Well, I think it's safe to say it was implied." Remembering one of the questions I had, I ask, "how did she even know me? Where I work?"

Edward sighs. "That's my fault. I mentioned you to her...said you worked at a bakery. Fuck. I'm sorry for all of this, Bella."

He stands up and grabs his jacket, slipping his shoes on. "I have to go."

"What? Why?" I ask, momentary panic gripping me. Was he really going to leave me for her just like that?"

"I need to go talk to her. She can't do this. I won't let her do this."

I exhale a deep sigh of relief.

Edward notices.

"What, you thought I was going back to_ be _with her? Bella, there's nothing left for me there. I told you not to worry. Don't worry. There's just you. No Kate. No one else."

"Okay. I'm sorry for not believing you. Will you come back here after you're done?" I ask.

"I don't know. I don't know if I'll be able to easily find her. Or if I do, how long it will take," he cautions.

"I don't care," I shake my head. "Please?"

I want him to come over after he's with Kate to ease my own stupid insecurities.

Edward stares at me for a moment.

"Okay. I'll come back here."

* * *

><p>Thanks for all your lovely reviews! See you later.<p> 


	86. Chapter 86

Edward doesn't come back until eleven.

He texts me first, asking if I'm still awake.

Like I could sleep when he's possibly out with her.

When he gets to my apartment, he knocks on the door once before trying it.

It's unlocked, so he let's himself in.

"Bella, it's not safe to leave your door unlocked," he chastises me.

I'm all burrito-d in bed. "I was leaving it open for you."

Edward sighs and takes off his shoes, climbing on the bed next to me and laying down, facing me.

"Hi," he whispers.

"Hi," I whisper back. "So...how did it go?"

He groans and rolls on his back, covering his eyes with his forearm.

"Kate isn't...she's not well. I think she's been partying too much. Doing drugs. Drinking."

"Oh."

"Yeah. It wasn't good. She was high when I went over and her place was a mess. She was just...begging me."

"Begging you for what?" I ask.

"I don't know. I'm not even sure she knew. To get back together, I suppose. Eventually she cried herself out and started to vomit. I made sure she was okay before I left." Edward sounds tired just talking about it.

"You took care of her," I can't help but let the jealousy creep into my voice.

"I didn't take care of her because I have feelings for her," his voice comes out harsh. "I was doing the right thing."

"I'm sorry," I apologize softly.

"No. I shouldn't have snapped like that. It's just been a long night. I'm frustrated. Can we just sleep? We can talk about it more in the morning."

"Okay." I lean forward and turn off the bedside lamp and snuggle back in the bed. Edward gets under the covers and curls up into my back, wrapping an arm around my waist and pulling me to him.

"This okay?" he mumbles into my hair.

"Yeah. This is good."

* * *

><p>Kate's definitely not making it easy for them, on top of their issues already, is she?<p>

See you next time!


	87. Chapter 87

As always, unbeta'd. Enjoy!

* * *

><p>I want Edward.<p>

I crave him.

It's been three days since he went over to Kate's.

When he comes over after work, he looks more tense, drawn.

There's more going on with Kate than what he's telling me.

It's impossible but it's almost like she knew. She knew he was moving on and she couldn't have that.

I hate how stressed he is.

So when he comes over, I pounce on him as soon as he's in the door.

I may not be good with words, but sex, I know.

I want to help ease the lines of stress I see on his face.

"Bella, what?" Edward asks when I tear my mouth from his. He's confused. I've never done this before.

I shush him and drop to my knees, letting Edward know just exactly what I plan on doing.

He drops the bag he was holding and shuts his eyes, waiting as I quickly zip open his slacks and push them and his boxers down around his thighs.

His cock is soft, but growing.

I suck and lick at him until he's hard, taking all of him inside my mouth that I can. The rest I wrap my fist around and gently squeeze.

Edward is quiet except for groans and grunts and still except when he's close and starts thrusting his hips.

Fucking my mouth.

I fight the urge to gag and instead move my hand that was resting against the door and grab his clenched fist to bring to my head.

Edward gets the hint.

I use my free hand to grab to his ass, digging my nails in the flesh and urge him to set a rhythm.

He's a goner after that.

"I'm gonna come. I'm coming, I'm coming," he chants under his breath.

I think he means it as a warning. Pull away.

I briefly consider that. Jacking him off and letting him come on me.

Another time.

This time I want him.

All of him.

With one last thrust, I feel his cum in my mouth and quickly swallow it down.

He grunts. Loud. His legs falter.

I drop my hand from his ass, but keep licking at him until he lets go of my hair.

He hisses when his cock slips out of my mouth.

Wordlessly, I stand up. Brush the hair out of my face and head to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

Edward is still leaning against the front door.

Cock deflated and pants still around his hips.

"Bella, what the fuck was that?"

* * *

><p>Okay. I'm going into hiding now.<p>

See you next time!


	88. Chapter 88

"Do you really have to ask?" I ask, putting the now empty glass in the sink. "I must have done something wrong, then."

Edward pulls his pants back up and fastened them. "I know what it was. And you definitely didn't do anything wrong. I guess I'm just confused as to why you mauled me as soon as I got in."

"What, are you saying you didn't want me to do it?" I question, unable to keep the hurt out of my voice. The conversation is quickly spiraling downhill.

"Fuck. No, that's not what I'm saying. Never mind."

Edward walks over to my bed, shedding his jacket and shoes along the way. When he reaches the bed, he flops down on his back; head on the pillow.

"I'm sorry," I mumble, walking over to him. "I don't want to fight with you. You've just been so stressed out lately. I wanted to help."

I don't add that I'm worried. Not just about him, but about Kate. What if she sinks her claws into him so deep that he decides he wants to be with her? Or, what if comes to his senses and realizes he doesn't want to deal with two girls with issues, on top of his own?

But then he holds his arms out to me and I can't help but smile as I flop down on the bed beside him, curling into his chest.

* * *

><p>They don't seem to have the healthiest of relationships, do they?<p>

Someone asked me how long this will be. I'd say plot wise it's over halfway finished. How will that translate into chapters? Not sure.

Thanks for reviewing, see you guys next time!


	89. Chapter 89

Life continues to go on.

I go to work. I come home.

Edward comes over too, still. But not every night.

I know he's with Kate.

I know he feels guilt, toward her and me.

He feels responsible for what she's going through.

Kate doesn't let him think any different.

He feels guilt toward me because he told me he wanted me. He wanted to try us.

He's not giving me all of him.

But to be fair, neither am I.

There just isn't another man in the picture for me.

Not that I think he's cheating on me.

Although at night when I'm laying in bed and he hasn't called, I imagine he's with her.

I'm a masochist.

But Edward always comes back to me, so that has to count for something, right?

* * *

><p>Poor Bella. Kate sucks, right?<p>

See you later!


	90. Chapter 90

He's at my place tonight. He's being sweet; brought me dinner and even seems to be in a better mood than usual.

Edward is a horny, horny guy.

After the blow job, he's been more handsy.

Whereas before he would stop before things got too heated, now he lets things continue.

Like now.

I'm on top of him.

Shirt off and I didn't wear a bra today.

Hips grinding, he's groaning underneath me.

So, so good.

I unzip Edwards jeans and then my own and after awkward pulling and tugging, we're both down to our underwear.

This is it.

It's time.

"Take your panties off," he moaned, already working at his boxers.

His eyes never leave my body, though.

I'm naked but under his gaze I feel safe. Wanted. Maybe even beautiful.

Edward wants to be on top, but I don't let him. No. Not this time.

We had already had the talk before. The one about STDs and birth control.

We're okay. We're covered.

I sink down on top of him slowly, slowly.

He's watching me. When it becomes too much he shuts his eyes. Head thrown back.

He let's me set the pace until he's close.

So close.

His fingers dig into my hips and guide me faster.

He thrusts up to meet mine.

He explodes, I explode.

I see stars. Blinding light.

And it is so, so good.


	91. Chapter 91

Things are good, Edward is good. We're good.

There's still Kate, but I guess I've come to accept it.

It is what it is, and all that.

She won't be in the picture forever.

I'm at work, icing cupcakes in the kitchen.

Mrs. Newton comes back and tells me there's a 'young man' asking for me.

I smile and wipe my hands on a towel, straightening out my hair.

I wonder why Edward decided to surprise me at work.

When I get to the entrance of the storefront, I freeze.

It's not Edward.

It's Paul.

I sigh and walk over to him, hoping to get this over with quickly. The brief excitement I felt about Edward being here quickly diminished.

"Hey."

"Hi," I say back. I try to keep my cool. "What's up?"

"Can we talk?" He's nervous, fidgety. What is it with people coming to my work?

"I'm busy right now. What's up?" I repeat.

"How about after work. Meet me outside. I'll be across the street." I still have 2 hours. Knowing Paul, he'll probably be drunk when I'm off.

"Yeah. Sure," I reply. "See you then."

* * *

><p>Uh-oh. What does Paul want? Any guesses?<p>

By the way, Happy (late) Saint Patrick's day!


	92. Chapter 92

At six o'clock I'm waiting across the street outside the bar, sitting on a bench outside.

At six fifteen he comes out and sits down next to me.

"I'm getting married," he tells me. He smells like alcohol and smoke.

I raise an eyebrow. "Married? To who, Emily?"

He gives me a 'no shit' look. "I proposed and she said yes."

Emily is an idiot. Either blinded by love or just naive.

Paul does look good on paper, though.

He'll cheat on her. Break her heart.

Fuck. He already cheated on her.

With me.

"Congrats," I say, half-heartedly.

"I'm just telling me so you'll not call me. Or text. And you won't tell Emily anything, either," he turns to look at me as he says this. To show me he's serious. Maybe even threatening.

"Don't worry. I don't care. Is that it?" I stand up. I'm done.

"Yeah. Bye, Bella."

I feel relieved.

Paul is out of my life.

For real, this time. I think this was closure.

I'm excited to go home and see Edward. Maybe even cook for him.

But as I turn around and walk toward the bus stop, I see Edward standing in the parking lot beside the bakery.

I smile at him.

He doesn't smile back.

He looks pissed.

* * *

><p>Now why is Edward mad? And why is he spending so much time with Kate?<p>

See you later!


	93. Chapter 93

I run across the street, stopping short right in front of him.

"Hi."

"Get in the car, Bella," Edward demands. He opens the passenger door for me and waits until I'm in to slam it shut.

He's quiet and tense as we drive back to my place.

I stare at my lap the entire time, wondering why he's mad.

He doesn't let loose until we're back at my place.

"Why the _fuck_ were you with Paul?" He asks as soon as I close my apartment door.

"He called me, he wanted to meet me," I reply. Another thought dawns on me. "How did you even know who he was?"

"Please, Bella. What do you think?" He runs a hand through his hair. "After I had to come pick you up from his place I decided to check him out. Make sure he wasn't some felon or something."

"What, you're spying on me now?" I ask, incredulously. Even though I had considered checking out more about Kate, I had never gone through with it.

"No. It's not like that," he defends. "I don't trust him. He's not a good guy, Bella."

"I don't need you to tell me about Paul. I know him, okay?" My voice rises. "Besides that, I don't tell you that I hate Kate. I don't tell you I don't want you to see her. You were dating. You were serious. Paul was just—"

"A fuck," Edward spits out.

"Don't be crass. And stop yelling, okay? You're the one going off to Kate and keeping secrets from me."

"Me?" he asks incredulously. "I'm keeping secrets? Tell me, Bella. Are you still seeing Paul? Are you still fucking Paul?"

"Fuck you," I reply. "How dare you! For your information, Paul called me to tell me he's engaged. He's getting married. Don't you dare ask me that. You tell me you're over Kate and yet you still go to her."

"I'm not fucking her," he immediately replies.

"Maybe not now, but will you? Are you going to leave me for her? Are you going to realize you made a mistake breaking up with her?"

"No. Jesus, Bella. Don't be so insecure. I want you. I want to be with you. Maybe...maybe this is where our age difference shows. Don't be so insecure."

I'm seeing red.

He's calling me insecure? He's using our age difference against me?

"Get out."

Edward turns and leaves.

He doesn't even put up a fight.

* * *

><p>I guess this is where it starts to get a bit angsty. We'll see.<p>

Thanks for reviewing!


	94. Chapter 94

If you're sensitive to things, here's your warning.

* * *

><p>When he leaves, I fall apart.<p>

I am weak.

My mind leaves my body and it's like I'm floating above myself, watching as I go to my bathroom.

Dig through my drawers until I find it.

A razor.

The stress of the last few weeks is physical. My spine curls in on itself until I'm collapsed in a heap on the bathroom floor.

All there is is pain.

I need to make it stop.

Edward.

Everything seems so helpless. Hopeless.

The razor makes neat criss-crossing lines of red on my arms.

Some maybe too deep, some not; just enough.

I can't breathe.

My heart pounds.

My throat closes in on itself.

I blindly reach for the bottle of Xanax on the bathroom counter.

Pour some out, pull myself up enough to drink from the faucet then I lay back down.

I don't know how long I stay on my bathroom floor.

I'm exhausted. So much so that I don't hear my front door being pounded on.

I just want to sleep.

* * *

><p>Hope you guys liked it. Review and let me know.<p>

See you later today!


	95. Chapter 95

Still with me?

* * *

><p>"Bella? Bella!"<p>

I'm vaguely aware as Edward bursts through the bathroom door.

"Shit. Shit. Bella? C'mon," he crouches down. Shakes me.

"E-Edward," I croak out.

"Bella, baby. I'm so sorry. So fucking sorry. I came back to apologize. I'm so sorry. Why did you do this?"

I want to tell him to stop yelling.

I want to take the frantic, panicked tone out of his voice.

He wraps my arms in a towel.

I drift, in and out.

He calls 911.

The paramedics come.

The next morning, I wake up in the hospital.

0-0

"Good morning, Mrs. Swan. I'm Dr. Banner."

"Hi," I reply. I'm groggy. So, so groggy. My arms sting and my head throbs.

"Do you know why you're here? Do you remember?" he asks.

"Yes."

He gives me a check up and then tells me that if I'm up to it, I have a visitor.

Edward.

Dr. Banner tells me that he's been in the waiting room all night.

I tell him I'm up to it, but I don't know if that's true.

I'm scared.

When Dr. Banner leaves and Edward comes in, I'm shy.

He looks so sad.

So worn down.

He pulls up a chair next to my bed and sits down, immediately taking my hand into his.

"I was so worried," is the first thing out of his mouth. "I cooled down and then I came back to your place and knocked in case you didn't want to see me. But I just had this bad feeling. I just...barged in after you didn't say anything."

"I'm sorry. I'm stupid. I'm okay, though," I assure him.

Edward laughs darkly. "Bella, you...I don't know what happened. You're not okay. You had to have stitches. They said you had a severe panic attack."

"I know, I know," I mutter.

"God, I was so worried. Nothing can happen to you. Ever. It was my fault. I shouldn't have yelled at you. I was letting out my anger on you. But Kate, she's gone."

"What? Gone?" I ask. "Like..she's dead?"

Despite everything, Edward manages a laugh. "No. Not dead. I've been talking to her relatives. She has family in Alaska. Her cousin has a spare room and she said Kate can stay there. It's in the middle of nowhere. She's leaving tomorrow."

"You spent so much time with her." My statement isn't meant to be accusatory, but it comes out that way. He spent so much time with her, while I was slowly falling apart inside.

"I wanted her gone. I told you I wanted you, just you. I meant it. I do mean it. Just you."

"Okay." It's all I can say.

"I've been a bastard, I know. We started out on the wrong foot, I know that too. I want to start over. Fresh. We can do things right. Go on dates."

"Okay," I say again. My head hurts. Edward looks dejected. "I'm just tired. So much is going on."

"Oh, shit. You're right," he laughs nervously. "I guess I should tell you something else, then."

I nod, waiting for him to continue.

"I kind of called both your dads."

* * *

><p>Okay, so I haven't written chapters 99 and 100, but 100 will be the last chapter. I hope. I'm also at 944 reviews, which is crazy. But it would be awesome to get up to 1000 reviews by the end of the story. I don't really beg for reviews, but it would be super awesome to get to 1000 reviews with these next five chapters.<p>

See you guys later!


	96. Chapter 96

"What? You called Charlie and Phil?" I ask. I'm not really mad. I just hate myself a little more for causing them more worry.

"Bella, I was so scared. Of course I called them. I found their numbers in your phone. I'm sorry if I overstepped any boundaries." He looks worried about what my reaction will be.

"No, thank you for calling them. I'm not mad at you, just myself. They worry about me and I just keep disappointing them."

"Hey, don't be like that," Edward tells me. "I guess I should also let you know that they both are planning to come out here. Your dad just called again before you woke up, saying he would be here later today. Phil couldn't get a flight out until tomorrow."

Edward and I talked for a little while longer until a nurse came in, saying that I needed rest. I began to protest, saying I was fine but yawned as soon as I opened my mouth.

"Is it okay if I let Rosalie know what's going on?" he asks, standing up. "I know she would want to come see you."

"Oh. Yeah. I guess that would be okay. Can you not tell her why I'm here though? I'd rather do that myself."

Edward agrees, and when I wake up two hours later from my nap, Rose is there waiting for me.

"Bella!" Rose's voice is full of relief when she walks in the room and sees me.

"Hey," I greet back. I can't help but notice that Rose looks like she was crying.

"Are you okay? Edward called me and told me that you were in the hospital, but he wouldn't tell my why. What's going on?"

I tell her to sit down.

Then I tell her everything.

Well, not everything, but the Readers Digest version.

When I'm done, she's silent.

I think I've scared her off, but then she surprises me.

She leans forward and hugs me tight.

* * *

><p>The rest of the fic will be posted by Thursday. It's already written out.<p>

I'm not sure if I'll do an epilogue or not. I'll leave that up to you guys to decide when I post chapter 100.

Thanks for reviewing!


	97. Chapter 97

Involuntary hold.

A danger to myself, I'm in the hospital against my will.

Not that I really want to be anywhere else.

Except maybe home to Snickers.

But Edward has him at his place.

Charlie and Phil are both here.

I hate that what I do to myself hurts them so much.

But I also know they've had enough.

Edward met my dad and Phil the day before.

They've all bonded. They all share the common bond of worrying over me.

While I'm busy meeting with psychologists, they meet up in the hospitals cafeteria.

Plans are being made without consulting me.

But I know they mean well. I'll agree to whatever they ask of me.

Even when I find out that I'll be going back to Bridges for a ninety day inpatient program.

* * *

><p>So, she's going back to treatment. Will it help this time around?<p>

Come find me on twitter and say hi. I'm HappyMess89 over there.

See you in a bit.


	98. Chapter 98

"You got everything?" My dad asks as he loads the last of my stuff into Edwards car.

"Yes," I repeat for the millionth time.

"Just checking," he grumbles.

The past few days had been...stressful.

Charlie is using his vacation time to stay in San Francisco, at Edwards. Along with Phil.

I couldn't imagine what it was like when Edward told me that they were all staying at his house.

Apparently though, they had become as thick as thieves.

When I had gone to his house, the once neat and tidy space looked like a frat house.

Edward comes out of his house and down the steps to where we are standing in the street.

"You got everything?" he asks me.

I groan and roll my eyes, stomping to the passenger side of the car and climbing in.

"What's her problem?" I hear him ask my dad.

I look at them through the side view mirror.

Charlie shrugs. "Beats me."

Edward gets in the drivers seat and we sit, waiting for Phil and Charlie to finish whatever they're doing so we can get on the road.

"Thanks, again," I tell him.

"What for?" he asks, taking my hand in his and pulling it into his lap.

"For letting Phil and Charlie stay at your place. And Snickers. For letting me store all my crap at your place while I'm...away."

"You don't have to thank me, Bella. Seriously. After everything, it's the least I can do."

I smile and squeeze his hand.

On top of what I just thanked him for, he's also overseen the subletting of my apartment.

I can't afford the rent while I'm gone, so for the next three months, a couple will be staying at my place while their house is being remodeled.

Mrs. Newton had to find a temporary replacement for me, but quickly found one.

Thankfully, I'd still have a job and an apartment to return to.

When we arrive at Bridges, Dr. Black is there waiting for me.

Of course.

He stands by as I saw goodbye to both my dad and Phil, then goes to talk to them while I say bye to Edward.

This is the hard part.

"I'm going to miss you so much, Bella," he says, taking my face in his hands and brushing his thumbs over my cheeks.

"I'm gonna miss you too," I whisper. "I want to tell you something."

"What?" he asks.

"I want you to know that I don't expect you to wait for me."

Edward drops his hands from my face to grab mine. "What are you talking about?"

"Three months is a long time to be apart. I understand if you decide you don't want this, hell, I wouldn't blame you."

"Bella, you're—"

"No. It's a very reasonable thing to say. Our relationship has been a mess. But you've been great the past week. I don't want you to feel obligated to wait for me."

He opens his mouth to reply, but I stop him.

"Don't say anything now, okay? Just think about it."

Edward looks like he wants to argue with me, but then his shoulders slump. "Okay."

Then he tilts his head down and kisses me.

Hard.

With much more passion than was considered decent in public.

"Bye, Bella."

"Bye."

* * *

><p>Okay. I got an idea to do outtakesfuturetakes/missing moments, whatever from this fic. Whatever you want to see. Whatever POV. Let me know if you have any suggestions. Most likely they would be in regular chapter form, unless you would prefer short like the story has been.


	99. Chapter 99

I put everything I have into my treatment.

This time I'm determined.

I want to get better.

I need to get better.

At first, I'm just doing it for my parents and for Edward, even if I don't see him again.

But as time goes on, I'm doing it for myself, too.

I learn how to channel my anger and hurt into something productive.

I start to keep a journal.

My roommate, Angela, and I become friends.

She's nice, doesn't pry and can tell when I want to keep to myself.

We don't really talk about what our issues are that brought us to Bridges, but I learned in group that she is in treatment for grief and depression.

Angela lost her mother, father and younger twin brothers to a home invasion gone wrong.

Her fiance, Ben, visits her each Sunday on visitors day.

My first week there, Charlie and Phil visited.

Neither mentioned Edward, and I didn't ask about him.

After that, they both had to go back to their work and lives.

I didn't expect any visitors for the rest of my stay, so I didn't even bother going out to the rec room the following Sunday.

When Angela peeked her head in the door and told me that there was someone waiting for me, I didn't believe her.

She dragged me out of our room over to...Rosalie.

After that, Rosalie visited every single weekend.

Two months into treatment, I finally work up the courage to ask her about Edward.

She smiles sadly at me and just tells me that he's okay.

It's a silent understanding between us that he's told her to not tell me anything.

I can't deny that it doesn't sting.

I keep a smile on my face, but later in my solo session with Dr. Black, I cry.

I let it all out.

Afterward, I feel better.


	100. Chapter 100

Yay! I reached 1,000 reviews last chapter.

Okay. Here it is. Please read authors note at the bottom!

* * *

><p>I'm at my last inpatient session with Dr. Black.<p>

I'm leaving in a couple hours.

Once I'm back out, I'll be going back to our normal sessions.

I'm also taking my meds again, as prescribed, and some mornings I actually wake up feeling...okay.

I know I still have a long way to go.

I think the most important thing I've learned in treatment is to let go of the past.

While the death of my mother was tragic, it was also unexpected.

The arguments we had before her death can't be taken back.

They also don't define what our relationship was.

I know that she wouldn't hold anything against me and when she died, she knew I loved her.

Paul was a mistake.

But I don't blame him for anything.

I used him just as much as he used me.

"Well, this is your last session, again, Bella," Dr. Black says, smiling.

"Yup," I reply. "All my stuff is packed and ready to go."

"And your place is all squared away, right?"

I nod. Rosalie called me the previous day, telling me that the tenants were out and all my boxed up stuff was moved back in. Including Snickers, who had enough food and water to get through the night.

"Is anyone going to be picking you up?" he asks me.

"No."

"I'm going to miss you so much!" Angela says, hugging me. She has a week left in treatment, then she'll be going back to her fiance.

"I'm going to miss you too," I tell her.

"You have my number though. And email."

I nod. I have them both. Hopefully we can stay in touch.

"Bye, Bella. Good luck."

"Bye, Angela. Good luck to you too."

I fill out the last of the paperwork to leave.

I'm eager to go home.

I'm not eager for the hours long bus ride back to San Francisco.

Something catches my eye though in the parking lot.

I do a double take.

A familiar car with a very familiar man leaning against it.

I walk over to him.

Edward.

"Need a ride?"

I smile and nod. "Yeah, I do."

* * *

><p>You guys probably have lots of questions still, right? Due to the flowpacing of this story, I wasn't able to get every little thing in I wanted to, so there's a lot left unsaid. But believe me, I could have probably gone on for another hundred chapters.

I'm still looking for suggestions from you on specific scenes you want to see. I'll be marking this story as complete but I will be adding the outtakes here.

Lastly, thanks to everyone who has read, reviewed and rec'd Down! You guys are awesome. I'll be replying to reviews for this last chapter.


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